All I Want For Christmas…

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Are You There, Santa? It's me, domer.mq. Look, I know it's been a while, and I know I said some pretty rotten things about you and the reindeer and the irrational notion that you could give gifts to all the good little boys and girls in all the world considering most of them aren't even Christians nor do they have chimneys, but I've been thinking a lot lately about what our football team, The Fighting Irish of Notre Dame (you are Catholic, right? I mean, you're a saint. Isn't that required?), need, and I figure if you and your elves can't find a way to make it all come about then the only one who can is the Big Guy Up There, and you've probably heard that I sort of ran out of "if X happens, then I'll Y" promises during the 2005 Southern Cal game (By the way, fool me once...).

So if you could just read this list of demands for your safe passage over the South East United States requests, and maybe do your best to fulfill them, I... We... well, the children of the world would sure appreciate it. Besides, I figure you owe me a solid after those years of my childhood where my best friend, the kid across the street, Ryan, would wonder every year why all you left him was an orange in his tube sock hung up in his living room with a thumb tack while right across the street you'd leave me the GI Joe Aircraft Carrier, Optimus Prime, and/or the Millenium Falcon and I'd remind him it's because his mom couldn't afford postage to the North Pole. And since you never received a letter from Ryan, you could only assume he's the sort at risk of scurvy. Every year, Santa. Every year...

1. Real Running Game Improvement: The 2008 Notre Dame Rushing Attack is ranked 98th in the country after facing the 118th, 49th, 72nd, 94th, 78th, 56th, 116th, 23rd, 7th, 39th, 101st, and 6th rushing defenses in the country. So they averaged just 3.39 ypc and 113 yards/game against an average rushing defense rank of 63rd. By comparison, ND ranked 115th in the country in rushing in 2007, averaging 2.07 ypc and 75.25 yards/game against the 20th, 7th, 58th, 30th, 54th, 14th, 2nd, 4th, 81st, 45th, 84th, and 77th ranked rushing defenses for an average rush defensive rank of 39. So you know where's I'm going with this, Santa. The ND rushing attack actually regressed in 2008. ND only had 1 100 yard rusher all season and only 1 20+ yard rush through 12 games. If you could just send along a new offensive line coach, someone who designs rushing plays that don't take 4 seconds to develop in the backfield, and a running back who could outrun at least 18 of the 21 other people on the field, that would probably help. I'm trying not to get too specific here, though, so if you've got some other ideas that will culminate in running game progress (real, not perceived) then I'll trust your judgment. You've seen a lot.
2. A training table: No offense, Santa, but I've seen pictures. And given what I've seen of those pictures since the day you sat down for a portrait by Rockwell, you'd pass more for an offensive lineman than tailback. What I'm saying is I figure you're probably pretty familiar with the North and South Dining Halls on ND's campus over the course of your travels. Those places are a problem. Yeah, I know they have one hell of a Peppered Flank Steak, but what they don't have is a proper training table, where the athletes of Notre Dame really have their food (aka fuel) monitored and measured. The top programs in the country tend to have really sophisticated nutrition programs. I've seen the brochures. ND has Mike, the meat dude, and Mike's not shy about cracking on the players when they come back for 3rds on Peppered Flank Steak Night, but he's also not going to deny the players their thirds. The result: Bad. Let's put it in terms you might better understand. What if Blitzen could and did eat whatever the hell he wanted? That's right, you'd name him "Sloth," or "Blitzenevergetthere."
3. A Mixed Cadence: We all loved the first half of the season when Clausen would start his cadence, then give a hard count, maybe get a guy to draw offsides, and if not, at the very least get the backers to give up their blizt plans, but Jimmy became too dependent on this trick, and by the Southern Cal game you could see guys like Cushing not even bother to get into position until the first candence was "simulated" and only then did the LBs get ready to attack. And since the first cadence was such a nice simulation of the second cadence, the LBs knew when the ball was about to be snapped as well.
4. Footwork: It's impossible for me not to think ND would be at least 8-4 if only ND's players took fewer "false steps." Being that you do much of your work on rooftops, Santa, you must know the perils of a false step, eh? Between centers who take their first step backwards, and receivers who don't actually plant their feet on out routs, linebackers who start their motions by standing up with no steps at all, and QBs who seem to be too busy tripping over their feet to actually read coverages on the fly, ND's footwork is killing the Irish. Have you seen Clausen try to look back to his left after starting to his right on a 5-step drop? Look up Fred Astaire in a thesaurus and the antonym listing will include Clausen.
5. Education: You know, ND fans get a rap for being "unreasonable," but I'm not entirely sure I can say it's "bad." We do enough to earn, "unreasonable," by simply expecting the Irish to compete for and win national championships every single year, but we make it even worse by being really poorly informed about the college football world around us. Take the talk of who should replace Weis if he ever leaves ND. People throw out names like Butch Davis or Nick Saban without having any idea what sort of fit as a "ND Man," those types might be. Ever google, "Butch Davis Nick Saban Over-Signing," Santa? You should. Those 2 will immediately make your naughty list. Then there's the folks like Mike Golic who, on his radio show, consistently repeats the fallacy that Willingham took ND to a BCS game. Can you end up with a lump of coal in your stocking simply for being wrong, Santa? My God, don't even get me started on the debate over whether or not a zone blocking scheme can A) be a physical scheme, B) a successful scheme in college, or C) successful enough to win national championships. I guess what I'm really asking for Santa, is a little more time for all ND fans so they can take a look outside the little bubble so many of them seem to live in and really get an idea of what's going on in that big world of ours. That's what the internet is for, afterall, Santa; To make it possible for the entire world to know the name Joe Pendry. And to make it possible for the world to know Lane Kiffin only got hired at Tennessee because he's bringing his father, Monte Kiffin, with him. And to make it known that Lane's wife is quite beautiful

I'm not one to be demanding, so I'll leave this year's list at 5 items. Do your best, Santa. And enjoy your Hawaiian vacation after the big sleigh ride. I hear it's quite lovely there this time of year.

Yours in giving,

domer.mq