Dear Jimmy,

Hey, Jimmy.  It’s me, the President of your Almost-Fan Club.   I’ve been almost a fan of yours for years now.  You almost had me with your ESPN showcase from your high school glory days.  You really almost had me with your “I’m going to make the other team hate me” bravado.

It was all coming together.  

Then, last season happened.  I did not waiver from my status as almost a fan of yours.  I understand you lost so many games so that future victories will be all the more sweet.  

With an off season of focusing on football and not on partying, I knew we were so close.  And then, Jimmy, you almost threw it all away.

Your hair, Jimmy.  Your hair.  I cannot support Charlize Theron’s character from Monster tooting the horn on the return to glory train.  This was supposed to be a letter begging you to cut it before it ruins our chances.  

And then, Jimmy, you saved the day.  You had a teammate give you a proper trim.  Something that says “I let my teammate cut my hair because I care about the right things,” rather than something that said, “I’m blissfully ignorant and/or I might murder you.” 

So, thank you, Jimmy.

We are now ever so close to having that wonderful relationship of fan/player.  All you have to do now is learn how to look off your receivers a little bit more.

Your fan, almost,

The Hype Machine

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