By now you know that Chicago Sun Times columnist Jay Mariotti has resigned. You probably know because parades have been running all over America in response to the news, violence in major metropolitan areas has dipped in the last 24 hours, and that acid-reflux that’s been giving you fits for the last 6 months hasn’t been too bad today despite the double-double you had for lunch.

And by now you also know that Mariotti is hardly done with this world any more than Satan is. He’s bound to pop up somewhere. That’s just a fact of life, like the inevitable recurrence of certain STDs.

Indeed, despite rumors, it seems Mariotti intends to move on to some other, livelier medium. And I hope he finds it. I hope he finds it and that he finds it impossible to survive. Because the livelier medium is filled with hundreds, if not thousands, of people who do “it” better than Mariotti could ever hope, and most of them do it for free.

So here’s to Mariotti moving on, not just from the printed press, but from the keyboard altogether. And let’s hope that he takes his buddies Hamilton, O’Connor, and Zemek with him.

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