We give you this photo. Photoshop it. Caption it. Print it out and paste it to the cubicle wall of a Michigan (sucks!) fan you know and love. Whatever. Just enjoy it. (HT: The Big Lead)
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After utilizing a Google Spreadsheet large enough to cover the Google Earth, we’ve managed to figure out what teams are good enough to show up on voters’ ballots, probably due to some mental snafu, but are not good enough to show up on our Top 25. Welcome to mediocreville, these teams, population: you.
The teams that also received votes:
Utah: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 16th. Average rank among all ballots: 22.66. After starting the 2007 season with a 1-3 record, the Utes may have been wondering if the program really had fallen on the expected hard times post-Urban Meyer. But the one win was a 44-6 blow-out of the “#11″ UCLA. Of course, none of us really understood just how bad UCLA was that early in the season, but the Utes did manage to pull together 8 more wins and just one more loss to finish out the season. That’s a good coaching job no matter what conference you’re in, and no matter how many Wyomings and New Mexicos you get to play.
Florida State: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 18th. Average rank among all ballots: 23.33. The ‘Noles are probably just happy to be stuck in neutral with a 2007 record of 7-6 and a “hard fought” bowl loss to Kentucky as the fans, and probably some of the players, anxiously await the retirement celebrations for Bobby Bowden that will also (more importantly?) herald the dawning of the Jimbo Fisher era.
Tennessee: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 20th. Average rank among all ballots: 23.33. Seems like a weird notion that a coach that has a 77% winning percentage over 17 years and a national championship under his extended belt would be on the hotseat, but that’s the very position that Phil Fulmer finds himself in, and you can smell the frying fat all the way up here in Chicago (no, that’s not Krispy Kreme). They went 10-4 last year, but Tennessee is only 3-5 in bowl games since the NC and they’ve only appeared in 1 BCS game in that time.
Georgia Tech: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 23rd. Average rank among all ballots: 24. No, no. The rather lofty heights for a program still recovering from the Chan Gailey era has nothing to do with the fact that the new coach took a bunch of really tiny kids and beat Notre Dame last season. Ok, yeah, it’s probably got everything to do with that. Last year’s 7-6 record does say one thing about the fans of Georgia Tech, however: They’re probably not gonna be real happy with a “rebuilding” season that looks like 3-9 in 2008.
Nebraska: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 21st. Average rank among all ballots: 24.33. Lots of talk about “the return to Nebraska Football,” with the arrival of Bo Pelini. And lots of harumphing and usage of the term “black shirts,” given Pelini’s defensive prowess. I guess we’ll just have to wait an see.
Wake Forest: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 21st. Average rank among all ballots: 24.33. After a 9-4 record last year (at Wake!) and a BCS appearance the year before (at Wake!), some may be surprised to learn that Jim Grobe is still the HC (at Wake!). Hate to say it, but you know all of those, “John McCain is so old” jokes? All ripped off from their original “Jim Grobe is so old” format.
UConn: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 23rd. Average rank among all ballots: 25. Remember when UConn didn’t even have a D1 football program? In 2003 they finally had a full 85-man scholarship roster, and in 2004, Randy Edsall lead them to their first bowl game win. But then they suffered a bit of a dip, during a time with just 6 seniors on the roster (sound familiar?), and it took until 2007 to really recover with a 9-4 record and co-Big East Championship.
Fresno State: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 23rd. Average rank among all ballots: 25. Pat Hill and the Bulldogs recovered from a brutal 4-8 season in 2006 with a nice 9-4 season last year along with a blow-out bowl game win over GaTech when the Jackets were probably not all that into it. This year they return 17 starters, including 10 on an offense that ramped up their point production by 10 ppg last year.
Pitt: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 24th. Average rank among all ballots: 25. Any vote for Pitt is less a vote for head coach Dave Wannstedt, and more a vote for RB LeSean McCoy. McCoy is the sort of talent that could very well carry a team like Pitt, in a league like the Big East to a record of 9-3 in the regular season, particularly against a slate that starts with Bowling Green, Buffalo, and Iowa.
Air Force: Highest place in a voter’s ballot: 25th. Average rank among all ballots: 25.66. Sharing the honor of being one of only 2 military academies to beat Notre Dame in 2007, the Falcons put together a 9-4 record while implementing Troy Calhoun’s more “modern” offense. But last year this squad featured a very senior and savvy roster. This year, the Falcons only return 8 starters – 3 on offense. Yikes.So, any teams we didn’t mention that you think will be firmly entrenched in the “Eh. They might give us a game,” territory?
It’s the weekend before the Fourth O’July, when Chicago deploys every cop ever hired by the city to write out parking tickets, half of the city’s population stands in a 45 minute line for a single potato chip to take the “Lay’s Taste Test Challenge,” tens of thousands of men and women wear tank tops when they really, really shouldn’t, countless photos are taken of the obese eating “cheesecake on a stick” and “plate of deep fried something,” and domer.mq is reminded that he really, deep down, resents the ever living hell out of humanity.
And then domer.mq sees this, and everything’s all good.
The Roundup:
By the by, if you see something on the internets that you feel should be shared with our massive audience, feel free to send it along to the e-mail address over on the right. Ditto if you want to nominate a BOTW.
So much for all the Michigan (sucks!) fans that say that ND’s business school curriculum is the same as “General Studies” at UM. (Yep, you guys are right, Calculus doesn’t matter).
ND’s Mendoza School of Business is ranked 3rd best business school in the country for undergrads.
Suck it!
You’ve already read this on every other sports website in the world. I just wanted to use the headline even though it’s completely inaccurate. Apparently the cop hit Pete. And not with an asp. Asps, by the way, have to be the greatest personal security device ever invented. The fact that Ben, from Lost, uses an Asp to beat the crap out of his enemies gives him a +10 in the cool column.
USC coach Pete Carroll said he was involved an auto accident Tuesday night when a Los Angeles County sheriff’s car swerved in front of him and collided with his car in Malibu.
“I was in the fast lane and the cop came from the slow lane and pulled right in front of me to make a U-turn,” Carroll said. “(My car) got hammered.”
I’m disappointed in myself. I had made a promise to myself that I’d only use that headline after Pete’s charged with actually hitting a cop after being pulled over on suspicion of DUI the night following a 38-0 Notre Dame victory over SC. But it seems so likely that Pete will leave for the NFL within the year that I feel the chances of that are about 50-50.
Plus I have a feeling Pete doesn’t drink. He’s probably “too Zen” to drink.
Matt Zemek, blogger for Scout.com, and moral authority to us all, took Notre Dame to task, again, because taking Notre Dame to task is one of the 2 standard ways to ensure a lot of traffic to your “work,” and thus a happy editor/employer. This time, he claims that not only has Notre Dame lost track of its Catholic identity, but Notre Dame is also hurting America. To quote the ignoramus, “The ultimate problem with Notre Dame football has less to do with the institution itself, and much more to do with its violation of fundamental moral principles.” And if I were dumb enough to link to his column, and if you were dumb enough to go read it, this is what you’d see:
So while Zemek is busy blasting ND for hurting America and losing its Catholic Identity, he’s also busy marketing a credit card in the midst of one of the worst credit crisis this nation has ever seen, and a website called “NaughtyOrNice.com,” a matchmaking service that, apparently, is for those who want their sex without all those nasty entanglements like marriage, or, at the very least, commitment, and a video game system that’s helping our already obese society get even sicker while we, as a nation, are in the middle of a health care crisis. I’m surprised there isn’t an advertisement for lawyers who can get dads out of paying child support somewhere on the site. Maybe if I refreshed, there would be a new set of marketing promotions designed to help Zemek with his own Catholic identity or Americans with their morality.
Zemek continues his must-be-drunken rant with doozies like this:
I thought Notre Dame football’s biggest problem all these years was its lack of fidelity to Catholicism. Turns out that the program’s biggest problem was really its use of business methods that have hurt, are hurting, and–if unchecked–will continue to hurt America.
Right. Because “America,” which ND is apparently hurting, is bigger than, “Catholicism,” don’t ya know? This must be true, as Zemek, moral arbiter of Scout.com, spent the first part of his rant establishing that he’s a Catholic, so it must be true.
There’s a bunch of other stuff I could pick apart, like his complete lack of understanding of how a “free market,” actually works, or how investments, like, say, the purchasing of exclusive television rights to ND home games, are made based on forecasting of future performance rather than as a reward for the past. Zemek probably poured all of his money into Wang computers and still thinks it was a great buy. Never mind that after this entire diatribe, Zemek never once points out what team that isn’t already contractually obligated to a television deal via conference affiliation would be more “deserving” of NBC’s investment. I dunno, maybe he had Army in mind.
Anyway, let’s all hope Zemek sleeps well at night, making “money in a sound manner, with integrity and honor.” You know, with those internet banner ads to credit companies and find-sex-now websites that display while he baits people to read his “work.”
I’m not saying he does. But heck, I don’t know that he doesn’t. And based on this piece of trash, I’d guess he does.
So-so? Ho-hum? Give me a freaking break!
The recruiting this year has been slower than last year. Yes, I get that. But coming off a 3-9 season, what do you expect? Charlie and company have been doing a bang-up job this year, and I expect more success as the summer and fall roll on. Ho-hum? LORD. What do you want, Hansen? What’s there not to like about a class that features:
Give me a break Hansen. Calling this class so-so is ludicrous. Calling it small so far? I get. Calling it early? Yes. But calling this collection of recruits so-so is just inaccurate. The staff has done a great job of bringing in quality talent at needed positions. And there’s a whole lot of recruiting to be done yet. A whole lot.
We may not be able to recreate the recruiting from last year. It was arguably the #1 class in the nation, and you certainly can’t have that every single year. But this is shaping up to be Top 10, at least, and could be Top 5. Heck, we could be #1 again, it’s just too early to say.
Who could be upset with those prospects? To me, only someone on the crack. Just say no kids. Just say no.
EDIT: Two fat @$$ pics in a day. HLS on a roll!
While the NCAA Football season still seems depressingly far away, we at HLS have been busy drinking, staring at women on the beach, and hastily cobbling together this year’s edition of The HLS Totally Non-Homer Top 25 – Preaseason Edition. While we’ve elected to save time and our marriages by presenting the HLSTNHT25-PE in a more condensed version from last year’s epic, 27-post thrill-ride, we do feel we’re opting for quality over quantity this time around. Think 3 or 4 Lexuses (Lexi?) rather than 27 Saturns (not that there’s anything wrong with Saturn. I’m now driving a Saturn.).
And so, without much ado in the grand scheme of things, here are a few important notes about the HLSTNHT25-PE:
The method within the madness:
The stated goal of the Loyal Sons, while filling out there ballots was to come up with a close approximation of what we all believe the eventual evil imperial BCS standings will look like at the end of the 2008/2009 season. That was the stated goal. I have no idea if that’s what we’ve actually got because, let’s face it, Biscuit’s a bit of a Maverick. And by that, I mean, Biscuit actually is Tom Cruise. And as we all know, that guy’s a lunatic. So God only knows what we’ve actually got cooked up here.
Now that the ballots have been tabulated, we’re prepared to share the results with the college football fan universe in 4 satisfying installments: “Also Receiving Votes,” “25 through 16,” “15 through 6,” and, wait for it… “The Top 5.” Look for these cleverly named posts to appear at a HLS location convenient to you in the very near future!
Some “fun facts” if “facts” are what you consider “fun,” nerd:
Salve, Magisterium.
I was visiting with Brother Bernard, the Enclave’s archivist, the other night and beneath the full, silvery moon, with the sound of his rare, red piglets squealing in the background, Brother Bernard passed on to me a rare and unsettling manuscript. For centuries the Enclave has gathered every piece of writing in existence. Not just work that has been published, mind you, but copies of every scrap and doodle on earth are gathered, catalogued, and archived by Brother Bernard’s minions.
It was with trembling hands that the good Brother handed me this work, and I share it with you now, previously lost to the ages, only so that you may understand the devastating power of the written word, the vastly overrated goodness of abbreviations, and the importance of a good editor.
His name is etched in the anals (sic) of history.
When rain falls, it whispers his name just before landing.
He has sired forty-three magnificent children, an endangered Panda, and two unicorns.
Last month he dunked on Shaquille O’Neal, ten times, in a charity basketball fundraiser that raised enough money to end poverty in India.
When he farts, it smells like baking bread.
“I guess that’s pretty cool, huh?” Urban Meyer says, and then casually chucks a javelin that travels a record breaking 110 meters. “Pretty cool.”
Cool? Try “Fucking Cool.” Try “Jesus Christ could Only Dream, Cool.” Try “So Fucking Awesome I Want to Die in Your Arms if Only just To Brush Against Your Chin Whiskers One Time Before Burying My Face in Your Crotch As I Lapse into Eternal Slumber, Papa Meyer, Cool.”
Urban Meyer is the heppest swingin’ cat in Football Town. He’s the jazziest, jazzy dj jazzy jazz in college football. He’s Scott Joplin with a belly full of rotgut and one hand on the laminated play-calling card. He’s Yowlin’ “Skips” McCready with a finger in the air and a packet of Dentine Ice in his back pocket. He’s Ella Fitzgerald with a better voice, body, and knack for undermining a zone defense through playcalling.
He has the biggest cock ever.
Urban Meyer once beat Minnesota Fats in a game of 8-ball billiards using only his glans as a cue. No hands necessary.
Urban Meyer has sipped champagne from the navels of each of the last seven Grammy Award Winners for best new artist, even John Legend’s.
Urban Meyer is so hot that he can roast an entire turkey by merely pinching his nuts together and yawning on the fowl. It doesn’t even have to be thawed...
The list continues for one hundred-and-three pages after that, makes some rather dubious claims about a football coach’s abilities and sexual proclivities, and concludes abruptly with the sentence: “Only I could make you truly happy, Urban.”
The piece has no author listed, but is written entirely on Orlando Sentinel stationary and is heavily perfumed with Calvin Klein’s “CKIN2U” Cologne. Which is delicious.
Let us read and heed. Warnings abound in such work, and the would-be columnist wallows in superlatives like a pig rolling in its neighbor’s shit.
Let us pray for lost souls, and let us pray for gout unto those who worship false idols.
H’amen.
Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel wrote an opinion piece today. And by “wrote an opinion piece,” I mean he blew Urban Meyer; an act to be known, from this point on, as the “Bianchi.”
In a piece titled, “IMO Gator’s Urban Meyer is 2 Hip 2 B Square,” Bianchi manages to turn stomachs by using more saccharin platitudes to herald Meyer than ever could or ever should be cast upon an over-achieving Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
And hell, we’re gonna link to it. We can’t really stand to actually quote it. Can’t let that stuff get all over HLS. It’ll never clean out, but go! Read it! You should see this! You couldn’t get more sappy than if Mitch Albom wrote it while sucking from a tapped Maple tree, and I can’t fathom how the piece could, in any way, help Meyer’s reputation among America’s high school football talent. So, with that in mind, make sure your friends see it too.
Yeah, I know the economy is hurting and all, but that’s never made a lot of sense to me considering that, at any point in time, there’s only a finite amount of money in the world, so where the hell did it all go?
The Roundup:
Editor’s Note: I see Biscuit also jumped on this story ahead of me. Is it me, or am I 5 minutes behind everyone lately? Anyway, I’m posting this here as well because I don’t cover the announcement with Biscuit’s diligence, and there are things I want to be said. – domer.mq
Good news/Bad News: Notre Dame and NBC have extended their exclusive broadcast agreement to 2015. Funny timing in my little world after BGS just got done reminding us of the vitriolic response to the original TV deal 18 years ago. Maybe BGS knew this was coming.
While it’s swell to have the exclusive deal that guarantees ND home games on a national broadcast, the negatives associated with the NBC deal make up quite a list. There is, of course, Tom Hammond’s face, which is used as a litmus test by parents to determine if their kids can handle PG-13 movies, Pat Haden’s Southern Cal homer(otic?)ism, the incessant use of the 1980s-ish guitar version of the Victory March sans sweet, sweet saxaphone, etc… And probably most annoying is the overall production-level of NBC Sports that make Jefferson Pilot, or whatever it’s called these days, puff their chests out with pride and wonder when they’ll be getting their Sports Emmy in the mail. I’ve seen better sports-casting at the interactive kiosks at the College Football Hall of Fame put on by 8 year olds.
There’s also this little bit in the announcement that doesn’t exactly thrill those of us who think that maybe ND should re-commit to the true spirit Rockne established with his “anyone, anywhere” mantra…
Each season from 2011 to 2015, NBC will televise seven games at Notre Dame Stadium and an additional eighth off-site game airing in prime time.
Don’t expect ND at Texas anytime soon, is all I’m saying. And note that this agreement, that I’m almost sure is contingent upon the continuation of the 7-4-1 scheduling model, was completed after God kindly removed Kevin White from the ‘Bend.
Feeling good about the search for the new AD? Yeah? Good for you, Mr. Happy McRoseyPants.
So much for all the ND haters who were GUARANTEEING that NBC would drop ND at the end of the current contract because of last year’s not-so-great horrid results. NBC and ND announced the extended contract today. The relationship is on paper for another 5 years, running through 2015. NBC and ND leaders were excited about the extension:
“We are absolutely thrilled to be continuing our landmark agreement with Notre Dame, the most storied brand in college sports,” [NBC Sports Chairman Dick] Ebersol said. “This new deal, which will bring us to 25 years as partners, is great tribute to the wonderful relationship that Ken Schanzer has built with the entire Notre Dame community.”
“For almost 20 years, the innovative partnership between Notre Dame and NBC has been a valuable relationship for both the University and the network, and we are delighted that it will be extended by another five years,” Father Jenkins said. “Our fans and student-athletes have benefited, of course, but, most importantly, it is the general student body that has realized the greatest gains. In a collaboration unlike any other in higher education, revenue derived from the NBC contract has provided millions of dollars in financial aid to thousands of deserving students at Notre Dame, and we are pleased that this support to the academic mission of the University will continue.”
And Charlie sees the benefits as well:
Notre Dame head football coach Charlie Weis added: “I’m thrilled on two levels to hear that Notre Dame will maintain its great relationship with NBC. As the head football coach, it is very beneficial for the program to have all of our home games broadcast into every living room in the country for the foreseeable future. As an alumnus, it is great to know that future students at Notre Dame will benefit from this partnership in the form of need-based scholarships.”
ND really is unique in the way it uses the funds from football to benefit the general student population. Here’s an interesting tidbit from the article:
In a 2007 survey, Forbes reported that the Notre Dame football program returns $21.1 million to academic initiatives, a total that is more than the survey’s next five programs combined.
THE NEXT FIVE. Ridiculous. Yet people somehow claim that academics aren’t really a priority for ND.
In the end, this relationship comes down to the strength of the Notre Dame name. The strength and passion of its fan-base, and the fact that people love to hate ND too. All of that equals ratings, which makes this deal a good one for both sides. Revenue, branding and exposure for both sides. Completely win-win.
I just wish we could get some new announcers.
One other issue is the schedule. So far, the watering down of the home schedule doesn’t seem to have affected NBC’s interest. But, the new AD will have to watch that balance, ensuring that the home slate is interesting/challenging/intriguing to ND fans (and the haters). The quality of ND’s football program (which I believe is on the rise, albeit through a somewhat random path) is a lesser threat to this relationship in my eyes. The real threat is that the home slate becomes full of cupcakes and uninteresting regional match-ups, with the random UM and USC game in there for good measure. If KW’s policies are continued, that’s where we’ll be, and NBC will be gone. But hopefully our new AD addresses that…
EDIT: BGS points us to an article from the SI Vault detailing the original deal and how it came about. Good read if you’re not familiar.
Course, this doesn’t mean WE’RE writing one. We’re just gonna link to someone else’s. Cuz, well, we’re lazy. I could see us doing a quick blurb at some point pre-season, but we’re more likely to do one a week rather than a bunch all at once. I mean, that’s a lot of typing. Heck, I’m getting tired now…
But, Rakes of Mallow has a solid preview. Month-by-month, complete with Summer Movie Comparisons. Good stuff. HLS-approved.
Check out the list here.
ND has locked in or is in the consideration set for 5 of the Top 25 players, 13 of the Top 100, and 27 of the Top 300.
I’m hoping those numbers increase a bit (most likely in the Top 300), but the Irish are clearly going after the ‘big ones’.
Go Get ‘Em Chuck.
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