Dumbest Writer In The History of Communication Found
domer.mq - 9:09 pm
Holy Flaming Batsuits, Robin, I’ve found the dumbest writer in the history of communication. Illiterates probably berate this woman. Her ancestors, thousands of years ago, probably drew cave paintings of buffalo with which everyone else on the planet confused toucans. Her name is “Lisa H,” and she “writes” a blog on FoxSports.com’s community blogs. You know how they say a million monkeys with a million keyboards, given enough time, could write the works of Shakespeare? Well it would take one monkey to write the equivalent of Lisa H. in an afternoon. And I’m not talking one of those fancy zoo monkeys that knows how to signal for food. I’m talking the monkey still in the forest that eats rotten bananas, can’t figure out that whole “use stick to fish ants out of hole” thing, and even Jane Goodall wouldn’t want to save. (Yeah. I know. Moneky /= Gorilla. I don’t care.)
In “Lisa H’s” “20 burning questions going into football season,” Lisa writes:
14- Will Weis finally get Notre Dame on track?
No. The problem with Notre Dame is not the players. It’s their coach. How desperate is Charlie Weis? He turned over the offense to his OC. Considering that Weis is known as an offensive genius, this is concerning. There is nothing good to come out of this- if the offensive output gets better-and when you are ranked dead last in offense, is there anywhere else but to go up?- then it makes him look overrated as an offensive guru. If the offense still remains the same, then Weis made a poor coaching decision.
Either way, Weis is in a giant hole. Their sked is difficult, and there are only two guaranteed wins, with a third possible one against Pitt. Couple that all in with mumblings about some discontent in South Bend during Spring practice, and you can count on Weis updating his resume. Unless he beats USC, of course.
It’s like she takes courses at the Dan Rather School of Journalism and Making Shit Up. The only mumbling that occurred this spring were in her head while she tried to sound out the Dollar Menu at Wendy’s.
And did she actually use “sked” in place of “schedule?” I think I just heard the sound of a 1000 English teachers blow their brains out.
Way to go, Lisa. You just set the world of the written word so far back that they’re considering works by Pat Forde from his probable 3 years in the 5th grade for a Pulitzer. You have to be less intelligent than the beer I just drank. If you’d lived in the 17th century, villagers would have burned you as a witch, knowing full well you weren’t actually a witch, but unable to help themselves since they just couldn’t take all that stupid any longer. If you don’t eventually die by accidentally suffocating yourself with a plastic shopping bag from the grocery store, millions of dollars will be lost in Vegas.
I’m big on the internet, but I have to admit, the internet, and the enabling of people like terrorists, religious zealots, white supremacists, and Lisa H to share their so-called thoughts make me wonder if we should just unplug the entire damn thing. Giving Brian Cook a voice is bad enough, but this? I need another drink.
BigE
I just read her ignorant nonsense and of course fox used a picture CW and ND players to advertise the article because they know it will attract many more readers to her site than it could otherwise generate. She says the schedule is difficult? It’s probably the easiest schedule in recent years. Discontent amongst players? Obviously SHE knows nothing of intensity as commonly displayed by football players. Two, maybe three wins? That’s an easy, superficial analysis to justify her “sports” writing. She’s as clever as ESPN’s female.
April 23, 2008 at 9:43 pmSir John
Well done HLS, Well done. I couldn’t agree with you more. I found the same article and thought :What the H***”?
April 24, 2008 at 5:48 amqb
why even publicize this crap?
April 24, 2008 at 9:00 amdomer.mq
qb,
Because any time I can compare a person to a monkey too stupid to eat ripe bananas is a good time.
Besides, it’s not like I linked to the original post.
April 24, 2008 at 12:50 pmhank
would you please link to it so that we can sh%t all over her blog?
April 25, 2008 at 12:41 amMark Vandewalle
Your journalistic prowess surfaced with the mumbling menu observation. That one left a mark.
April 25, 2008 at 6:45 amvalpodoc
now now never overestimate the power of education. I suspect “lisa h” to be a USC grad.
April 25, 2008 at 10:34 amPete
Go easy on her, people. No one can be that stupid. She simply extrapolated erroneously. I mean, sure, with media and blog attention to ND’s spring as bright as Sol, I’m sure we would have gotten a whiff of some real discontent if there was any to be found . In fact, it would have been documented to a ridiculous extent. That loser from the South Bend Tribune would have done a three-part series on it.
And Charlie handing off play calling was the right thing. He’s our head coach, not our OC. Finally, estimating strength of schedule in April is a fool’s errand. There’s no way to tell who’s going to do what in ‘08.
To sum, there’s no point in being mean to her. She gets paid to speculate, and speculate she did.
April 25, 2008 at 10:50 amKnute Rockne
Lisa H. is the Mario Mannigham of the journalistic world. Do not underestimate her mental prowess.
April 25, 2008 at 10:52 amAlex Rogan
You idiots fail to see great writing in place, probably as a result of attending the University of Notre Dame School of Journalism, Advanced Spin Major …
Hank, I guess pretty much that’s what you have to offer, lots of shit …
Domermq, the “mumblings” you ignore include numerous transfers to other schools, including the powerhouse at Northern Illinois, continued fighting on the field at even practices where the media is invited (suggesting speculation as to what goes on when the media AREN’T around), and the ignominious distinction of being #119th in Total Offense in the country. Oh, btw, when Western Kentucky was added to Div1 list, ND went to #120.
Weis is in trouble, leprechauns. And as a USC Trojan, the Most Storied of All Football Programs, having supplanted ND about 5 years ago and pulling away now, I’d hate to see old Tuna go. We beat him like an old dog, and we will continue to beat him, year after year.
When you look at Weis, like some bloated cartoon character on the sideline, dour, and a cheater’s mentality (grass so long in the ND stadium that it actually cast shadows on TV, ND timers letting the clock run both at the end of the half and the game, hoping to job the Trojans into defeat, etc.), he turns “Cheer Cheer” into “Jeer Jeer” for Old Notre Dame.
The Irish are yesterday’s news, commanding no respect and lots of laughter anyplace but at USC, where we respect you because of the past, and with the hope that you will return to some glory in the future. In the meantime, you and your coach suck, and you need to class up your act.
If you were a HS kid football star and looking at Weis or Carroll as a potential coach, who would you choose?
April 25, 2008 at 11:59 amdomer.mq
Alex Rogan,
First of all, I can’t believe your e-mail address references My Little Pony. Right away, I know I’m dealing with a guy who wears a pony-tail, has half his gut falling out of his vintage Thundercats t-shirt, and is ticked as his mom for forgetting to buy more Fruity Pebbles. Secondly, who the hell gave you a copy of Frontpage 95 and allowed you to build that symbol of infinite sadness that is your website?
Your post is a testament to the ranting loons of the past.
April 25, 2008 at 12:08 pmBad Kermit
That is pretty much the worst website I’ve ever seen.
Also, people who beat old dogs are evil.
April 25, 2008 at 12:14 pmTed
Hey Alex, you must be in outer space, and I am being really nice.
The last question in your diatribe is interesting. Where have you been during the last two recruiting cycles? High school football stars have been selecting Charlie Weis and Notre Dame because they value a real education…not the party atmosphere of LA.
Yes, USC has dominated the Irish, but Alex boy make it one more this year, because that is going to change in October, 2009, when the trojan boys come to ND. By the way, upsets are always possible…even in LA.
April 25, 2008 at 12:50 pmAlex Rogan
Not only do Leprechauns not know football, they do not know websites … the list goes on and on for you guys, doesn’t it …?
Domermq, Worse, you don’t even reply in point to my comments, just hurl your last night’s dinner garbage … BTW, your characterizations are completely wrong, and of course irrelevent to the topic of Weis’ lack of skill and abundance of pique …
YOU would seem to be the “ranting loon”, with your lack of taste, mixed metaphors, and generally infantile IQ demonstration… Are all the Leprechauns as inept verbally as you? Or are you the one shining light amidst an even sadder collection of frustrated usedtobe Irish fans, who, lacking a team AND wit, demonstrate that lack in every post you write …
BadKermit, thanks for your opinion. Old dogs who are senile, past their time, and vicious need to be beaten regularly just to get their attention … and I love dogs, btw.
April 25, 2008 at 12:57 pmAlex Rogan
Ted,
The better question is where have YOU been?
In 2007, USC was 2nd and ND was 11th. In 2008, USC recruited more players in the Top 100 than ND AND had far less scholarships to award due to boot. AND, USC has a very good team returning, not the hopeless batch that ND will once again field. AND, USC recruited just what it needed, OL, while ND had to recruit EVERYTHING.
USC is one of the Top 20 Universities overall in the USA by the latest ratings, and ND is not.
Combine the above with LA, the beaches, the girls, and most of all, the coaches, and you can dream on about 2009 …
Plus, it won’t matter to Tuna anyway, because he will be gone after this year anyway, darnit …
April 25, 2008 at 1:05 pmAlex Rogan
PS to Ted,
I forgot to add:
Sure, upsets are possible, even in LA, as we Trojans certainly realize and can testify to with vigor.
Point is, the Irish will be the Underdogs not only this Fall, but maybe forever …
Cheer up, there is always Navy …Oh wait, didn’t last year …? Just forgetaboutit …
Maybe you can get the Coast Guard Academy, Slippery Rock, and William and Mary lined up … and I heard that Wabash College would enjoy an intrastate scrimmage in Indiana in the Fall … assuming the corn has already been harvested …
April 25, 2008 at 1:18 pmdomer.mq
I had no idea SoCal fans could be this nuts. It’s pretty awesome. I thought only the cold tundra of Michigan could rot one’s mind like this.
Everyone who thinks that Alex takes notes while watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, raise their hand.
April 25, 2008 at 1:32 pmAlex Rogan
domer.mq,
OK, I figured it out, finally …
You really know NOTHING about football, do you?
April 25, 2008 at 1:33 pmdomer.mq
Alex,
If I admit to knowing nothing about football, will you go away and work on your website?
Fine. I know nothing about football.
April 25, 2008 at 1:38 pmAlex Rogan
BTW,
Her Loyal Sons has been reported as a Phishing Website to the Internet and Microsoft.
This website said they will not publish commenters websites or mail addresses, and like all good Domers, they are lying.
April 25, 2008 at 1:55 pmAlex Rogan
domer.mq,
Your comment about “knowing nothing about football” is redundant …
And your offer doesn’t need to be accepted, as you prove it with every post you offer …
April 25, 2008 at 2:00 pmdomer.mq
Alex,
You reported HLS to the internet? That’s amazing! Hey, everyone, the internet is self-aware!
Also, you’re an idiot. HLS didn’t publish your e-mail address. Look again. And we never said we wouldn’t post your website. Why put your crap website in the field if you don’t want it there?
April 25, 2008 at 2:09 pmAlex Rogan
domer.mq,
Yes, YOU did. In your post.
That violates every rule of blog etiquette and opens you up to possible legal action. Which from your tone and comments to me, you richly deserve.
And underneath “Leave a Reply” it says the mail address (will not be published), yet it is (required) to post … That is the website’s responsibility
You are the idiot … and the website is a liar …
April 25, 2008 at 2:34 pmAlex Rogan
PS Of course the Internet is not “self aware” as you so euphemistically described it …
But there are rules for blogs and rules for websites and legal principles which can bring a site down …
And one of those is that you do not reveal personal information, which YOU did and HLS did NOT reject …
Hey, be of good cheer! Weis would be proud of you …
April 25, 2008 at 2:38 pmdomer.mq
Alex,
Allow me to quote myself, “First of all, I can’t believe your e-mail address references My Little Pony.”
Where in that sentence did I actually publish your e-mail address?
Find your actual e-mail address in there. Go on. Find it. Identify the very place where I put it.
This is making this afternoon far more entertaining.
April 25, 2008 at 2:42 pmdomer.mq
Alex,
While you’re looking, go find the definition of “Euphimism.”
April 25, 2008 at 2:44 pmAlex Rogan
I rest my case…
Unfortunately for you, GoDaddy may not …
Have a good afternoon … the next few may be even more fun for you, who knows?
April 25, 2008 at 2:46 pmdomer.mq
Yes, Alex, no doubt GoDaddy will jump right on the case.
April 25, 2008 at 2:52 pmBad Kermit
“Old dogs who are senile, past their time, and vicious need to be beaten regularly just to get their attention … and I love dogs, btw.”
Alex, please read this before you hurt someone:
http://www.cabtsg.org/Resources/animalabuse.pdf
“There is increasing evidence that childhood abuse of animals is linked to later interpersonal violence (Felthous and Kellert 1987a; Ascione 1993), sometimes of an extremely serious nature and including mass or serial killings (Lockwood and Hodge 1986).”
Also, read this, if you can: http://dogandpuppytrainingresources.com/disobedient-dog.php
“Disobedience is rooted in disrespect. When your dog deliberately does not obey you, he’s saying, ‘I don’t respect your authority enough to do what you want me to do’.”
The dog didn’t pay any attention to you because it didn’t respect your dumb ass, not because it was old. Disobedient dogs are only created by their asshole failures of owners. There should seriously be a test for people who want to be pet owners. If you own a pet, please put it up for adoption. You don’t deserve it.
April 25, 2008 at 3:12 pmrankingsdork
Wow. Just, wow. What a tool. Just thought I’d point something out, lest it get lost in all of the claims from Alex about how great Pete Carrol is at attracting high school dudes to come chillax w/him at USC- according to the “latest ratings,” USC is actually NOT one of the “Top 20 universities overall in the USA.” And, by gum, ND is! USC is actually not even a top 25 university here in the USA- it’s sitting squarely at #27, well below Notre Dame (#19), UC-Berkely (#21), not to mention Michigan (ha!) and UCLA (Double ha!)which are tied at #25. Seriously, check it out, it’s on the Internet: http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/usnews/edu/college/rankings/brief/t1natudoc_brief.php
April 25, 2008 at 3:47 pmAlthough this dude makes me wonder if US News is being a bit generous.
Voice of Reason
U$C Football? Most storied? ROTFLOL Reefer madness in SoCal. I don’t think we even need to get into the NCAA crackdown that is in your future (thanks, Reggie!), but this is what the NFL thinks of you chumps:
http://www.profootballtalk.com/2008/04/24/teams-leery-of-usc-players/
PS 14? Booty scored a 14 on the Wonderlick? 10 is literate. That’s a U$C QB for ya.
April 25, 2008 at 6:43 pmUSNews
I can’t believe that anyone from USC can even begin to think they can hang with ND in academics. Seriously.
Note that when sports writers refer to Notre Dame, “the most storied football program in college football history” is always attached. This has been going on for 50+ years. Once the NCAA takes back your tarnished BCS Championship win and Heisman trophy, you’ll go to being far behind ND in greatness to miles behind. Where you belong.
April 25, 2008 at 6:48 pmKal
I’m confused, wouldn’t “pulling the plug on this entire damn thing” make you lose your job?
Seriously though, quit bashing people you don’t even know. Its pretty pathetic.
April 28, 2008 at 7:53 pmdomer.mq
Kal,
As much fun as Alex was, we aren’t interested in you.
And you missed the memo: The internet was actually created for bashing people you don’t know.
April 28, 2008 at 8:14 pmKal
Maybe then you shouldn’t freak out when somebody bashes you. Its always great to be able to dish it out, but its sad when you can’t even face the facts.
April 28, 2008 at 9:28 pmdomer.mq
Oh Kal,
We don’t freak out when people bash us. We embrace it. Everyone wants to bite the lead dog in the ass.
We will, however, take issue with people like Lisa H who simply makes things up about the program and then “cites” fan-blogs and forums as her source of these “mumblings of discontent.”
And if you’re referring to any of our interactions with Alex as “freaking out,” then mentally replace “freaking out” with “primate batting around lizard with 2 missing legs.”
April 28, 2008 at 9:54 pmKal
Wow.
April 28, 2008 at 10:08 pmFlying Pig
BRAVO…I am standing to give you a standing ovation…but I can’t applaud because both of my hands are giving LisaH the finger. I really dislike that person.
She is so self-absorbed and full of herself…and she refuses to allow anyone disagree with her. She is always right and if you don’t believe her, she will simply have you banned from Fox Sports.
Our group of sports bloggers used to blog at Fox Sports. In fact…we were around on Fox for YEARS before LisaH showed up. The next thing you know, they closed the bar early, escorted us to the curb and handed the keys to LisaH. OH AND SHE LOVES IT!!!
She has all of her little minions and cherubs following her around…AFRAID to disagree with a word she says because they could kick them to the street as well.
I’ve challenged her to a “Blog-Off” and she ignored me. I’ve asked her to explain her self-serving ways and she has ignored me. I’ve asked her why she used the plight of a terminal cancer patient to open doors at Fox and she has ignored me. I’ve asked her how she managed to become a “contributing writer” at Fox and she has ignored me. I’ve asked her why she has put a hit counter on her blog and she has ignored me.
Chances are…she will not utter (type) a word on your blogsite but beileve you me…she has already posted a blog denouncing you and this site.
April 29, 2008 at 2:59 pmFlying Pig
Oh and Kal,
Why is it alright for Lisa(FATASS)H to blog about something she knows absolutely NOTHING about. That being Notre Dame football?
Yet you defend her for bashing Notre Dame football and you bash Her Loyal Sons for mixing it up a bit. What did this blog post hurt? Maybe…just MAYBE it opened some eyes that LisaH is just a blow hard who regurgitates other peoples ideas and opinions.
April 29, 2008 at 3:04 pmThe Biscuit
Alex, you are clueless. Very USC of you. MQ didn’t deem to respond because your thoughts are so randomly wrong, and/or inane.
So here you go.
Your examples for ‘mumblings’ are as follows: 1) numerous transfers, and some to NIU. 2) fights on the field. 3) a poorly ranked offense
Ok. First, you’re an idiot. ND did not have a single transfer to NIU last year. Look it up. Also, look at USC’s transfers last year and compare to ND. Not all that different? Shocking. Top programs see attrition when the stables fill with talent. Case in point: ND’s 2 QB transfers last year. Both read the writing on the wall with Jimmy and Dayne in the mix. Wouldn’t you bail?
Second, fights in college practices are common. And by all accounts the coaches, players and fans are happy about these scuffles. Bout time we showed some fire!
Third, the team last year wasn’t good. Especially the offense. But this is old news and not some ominous mumbling. Just a fact. That will change.
Coming from USC, you shouldn’t TOUCH ‘cheating’. C’mon, you guys have NCAA infractions and Bush-like payoffs happening daily. Don’t go there.
As for recruiting, have you not been paying attention? Ever heard of a few cali guys named Jimmy C, Dayne C or Cierre Wood? Uh, yeah. And I live in LA. Don’t pretend like USC is in Brentwood, Manhattan Beach or even the Valley. Its not sunshine and movie stars in your south central ghetto.
Finally, your academics comparison is laughable at best. Care to share a source that puts USC above ND, let alone UCLA? Not gonna happen, ‘brah’.
Tool.
April 30, 2008 at 8:30 am