Dear Fox (Sports, Network, FSN, whatever):

You suck at broadcasting college football.  Please, please, PLEASE, either fix it or give up.  And please do one of the two immediately.

Now I’m not saying that ABC/ESPN is perfect - they hire Bob Davie to call ND games, there’s a clear anti-ND bias in the institution, they employ Mark May, etc.  But man, at least they know how to SHOW A FREAKING GAME.

Seriously, fix it up or move it out.  Your NFL games are already subpar, but it’s obvious that you have no feel for the college game whatsoever.  The booth is terrible, I have no idea what the Producers were watching, and can someone fix the freaking graphics PLEASE??!?!?!!

Okay, so a few pointers and I’ll leave you alone:

1) We get that Gatorade paid you for some product placement.  It’s actually a pretty good idea.  You take some money, and you agree to show the Gatorade on the sideline/some player drinking it, etc.   Okay, fine.  But does it have to be so FREAKING OBVIOUS that this is what you’re doing?  It comes out of nowhere, you film the GROUND BENEATH THE WATER TABLE, and then pan up to the dirty/messy/ugly Gatorade ‘tubs’.  Then onto the asses of the players, then to the field?  Good lord.  And you do it twice within 15 minutes.  Please, learn how to do your job decently.  In the future, catch a kid and give him a cup.  Film him drinking from it.  Move on.

Besides, Gatorade already gets the ‘Gatorade Dump’ during bowl season.  They should be happy with that…even though Les Miles doesn’t love it all that much:

2)  We like college bands.  They’re a great part of the tradition of college football. But they are NOT the only non-field shot you can show.  You have blimp angles, field level angles, and, oh yeah, there are OTHER PEOPLE WATCHING THE GAME IN THE STADIUM.  They are called fans.  Film them sometime!  You know, the ones with their faces painted, the ones with their bodies painted, the hot girl ones, the crazy drunk ones.  They are into the game and exciting to watch.  You do NOT have to cut to the OU band after every single play!  You have options!

We love the bands, but enough is enough.

3)  Speaking of bands. Why in the world did your mic team set up directly in front of the OU band as well?  What the F?  All I could hear all night were horns.  Not commentary, not on-field grunts and hits.  The freaking OU fight song over and over.  My 3 year old niece could’ve figured this out. 

4)  Your “it’s the mirrors” DLP sponsored camera is cool.  It’s not all that cool that you stole the idea and technology from ESPN, but that’s okay - everyone did.  What I have an issue with is you using that camera during a live play.  You can’t see JACK from that angle unless it’s a perfect setup.  But you don’t know what the play is going to look like before it’s run.  So you USE IT FOR THE REPLAY.  Watching a deep pass play live from that angle is like your camera man filming his knee-cap in EXTREME CAMERA CLOSEUP from Wayne’s World.   You can’t see anything!  I don’t care if it’s sponsored - that angle is meant for replaying when it works.  Not for live shots.  You suck at life.

5)  Finally, your graphics are absurd.  First you put your stupid “3rd & 8″ thing on the field.  Good in theory, but not when the graphic is blue, and the WVU PLAYERS ARE BLUE!!!  The WR’s freaking disappeared when standing on that monstrosity you call ‘innovation’.  Look, we can read.  Put it back up top where it belongs and make life better/easier for everyone.  Especially the dudes’ whose torsoes you cut off on national television.

And that brings me to your scoreboard.  Look, we get that you want to be different.  But why, in the Good Lord’s name, would you drop the scoreboard/ticker down onto the screen 2 inches?  Yeah, we can see that 1 inch opening above it, but your freaking scoreboard is CUTTING OFF SOME OF THE PLAYING FIELD/PLAYERS’ HEADS/THE FREAKING BALL!!!!  When it’s in play.  There is absolutely no, zero, zip, zilch, nada reason to drop that down other than to say “look, we’re Fox, we do things our own unique cute way” (to be read in a high-pitched little girl’s voice).  Get that stupid graphic back up against the top of my TV now, before I end you.

Ignore the names, even though it’s funny, and pay attention to the scoreboard up top.

Other than that, great job.

With Love,

The Biscuit

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