The Urban Meyer Translator
domer.mq - 12:58 am
JVan over at NDN found these quotes in Urban Meyer’s post-game presser after the Florida loss to Michigan today. In case you’re a member of the lowest common denominator (and no, we don’t think our readers are such, but you never know who might stumble on our little site while tripping over the internets), here are the quotes in bold, and then a translation of what he actually means all slanty-like.
“We thought we had some answers early in the season,” said Meyer, “and some of those young guys didn’t live up to the standards we’ve set. Our goal is to be the New England Patriots of college football.”
It’s not my fault. It’s the fault of the players. And I’m too much of a chicken shit to own up to anything that ever goes wrong. I’m football Jesus, fellas. I’m infallible. If something went wrong, it’s the players’ fault, not mine. I never mess up. I believe in an external locus of control. I have no idea what the fuck that means, but that’s what I believe in. I’ll ask one of my players that major in management what that means. But it’ll take me a while to stop pouting long enough to go talk to one of those little ingrates.
“The correlation between a lack of pass rush and loose coverage killed us today,” Meyer said.
Look at me using a big word like “correlation!” Also, Charlie Strong and Greg Mattison haven’t got a fucking clue what they’re doing coaching-wise. I don’t have a fucking clue what they’re doing either. I’ve got an offense to run. Notice my offense? It ruled. Stone. Because I run the offense! Yeah! Fucking defense.
“Well, for those guys who just put in their time and didn’t make any real contributions, it’s time for you to go. It won’t be hard to say goodbye to some of those guys who just went through the motions. Now for those kids who actually bought into the program, and who made some sacrifices and contributions — you know, like Bubba Caldwell….he’s a graduate of UF and had a great career — you’ll really miss those guys. But just because you’re a senior doesn’t mean you have any value.”
If you displease me in any way, I’ll tear you down in public. I’ll also lie to you and misinform you. I’ll manipulate the crap out of you. Why? Because I’m a sociopathic motherfucker. What are you gonna do about it? Huh? Piss me off, and I’ll make sure you’re academically ineligible next year so I can replace you with someone younger. One of “my guys.” I love my guys. They’re the greatest thing to happen to football since me. And I will always love them until they screw up. Then fuck them.
Always read between the lines because he’s lying even when he thinks he’s telling you the truth.
Gaitor Jim
He is tossing his players under the freaking bus. How anyone would consider playing for such sleaze is beyond me, unless they have no other choice. It is completely and utterly confounding. I just dont get it. For once, I am happy Michigan (sucks!) won a game. F the Liar. That dude is brutal.
January 2, 2008 at 2:45 amThe Biscuit
That is MADNESS. That guy is a piece of dung. After every loss this year, Charlie pointed the blame at one person – himself. Given a chance to do the same, Urban blames the players and says that his seniors dont have ‘any value’. I’m not sure why Gaitor Fans hate him all of a sudden, but that right there is the reason why Omar made a mistake. Charlie will take a bullet for you. Urban will use you as a shield.
January 2, 2008 at 12:42 pmTed
TO: The Biscuit
You said it so well.
I just hope others can now see how Charlie is different from Urban and others. Those who are down on CW will one day understand why he is the right coach for ND. Urban could never have done it at
ND. I hope all of this comes back to haunt Liar Liar Urban. You would think the parents of Florida’s verbal commits would start talking with their sons about their futures.
January 2, 2008 at 1:28 pmVincent Franco
Being a florida resident I listened to his interview live…the radio interviewer was looking for some love for the departing seniors…four or five years of tough practices and alot of wins in the program…Meyer shocks the guy with his response…absolutly cold hearted…ice cold…I was really surprised…he really doesn’t care about those kids unless you are a star…
January 2, 2008 at 1:43 pmJB
Agree with The Biscuit.
January 2, 2008 at 1:59 pmWow, Suburban Liar is such a creep. And he wants to be the “New England Patriots” of college football?
So WHY do players coming out of high school want to play for Suburban Liar (Omar Hunter, what are you thinking?).
GO IRISH!
The Biscuit
Meyer’s name is popping up for the vacated Ravens position. Oooooh, that’d be great. I’d love to watch the steelers repeatedly kick his teeth in.
January 2, 2008 at 8:29 pmWhere'sThePotOfGold
Hey, you guys are commenting on the interpretation, which is ridiculous. If you watched the post-game comments on the other games the Gators lost you would see Urban took credit for it.
In this interview, he didn’t name names he merely stated a fact that some of the players didn’t play like they should have. Some of the players said the same.
Get off his back and stop putting words in his mouth.
Oh yeah, you’re saying what’s different between Charlie and Urban. Let me tell you a big element that you guys are forgetting – it’s called a winning record, an SEC Championship, and a National Championship.
Those are three very good reasons to go play for him.
Also, you are a Urban Meyer guy if you work hard and play as a team!
January 5, 2008 at 3:07 pmdomer.mq
Where’sThePotOfGold,
January 5, 2008 at 5:48 pmConsider whatever money you spent on your own education a waste. You write with all the elegance of a narcoleptic 7th grader with a hormone imbalance.
NDBacker
This guy is a piece of trash.talking bull to 17 year olds and trashing guys who play for 4 years
is something a real Coach should never do.Then again were dealing with trash.
January 5, 2008 at 11:12 pmWhere'sThePotOfGold
Hey domer.mq,
Very mature reply – it shows a incredibly high education!
Aren’t you guys forgetting about Big Charlie earlier this year blaming his players for not learning and they were going to have to go back to spring training drills, etc.
I mean how could big Charlie do such a thing. How could he blame his players? They’re only 17. He’s cruel!
January 7, 2008 at 9:59 pmWhere'sThePotOfGold
Oh yeah, did you guys see who they had as a guest commentator on the National Title game tonight?
Charlie Weiss – Nope! It was Urban (the man) Meyer!
That hurts!
January 7, 2008 at 10:01 pmdomer.mq
Where’sThePotOfGold,
January 7, 2008 at 10:37 pmThat would be a nice attempt at a comeback if you were a mentally deficient corpse that spoke English as a second language.
And the correct phrasing would be “it shows an incredibly high education!” See, you use the word “an” instead of “a” before words that start with vowels, you mental gnat.
I bet you go to bars and then rave about their beer selection if they carry Blue Moon. You probably brag when you pick up one of those mini-kegs of Heineken. Did you and your prom-date/cousin enjoy a classy joint like Applebees, or did you feel uncomfortable in such a stuffy atmosphere?
Weis was busy accepting an award for graduating his players, so he couldn’t spend time in the booth on Fox tonight. Meyer, shockingly, wasn’t invited to accept any such award. Not that you care ‘cuz boys like you and your pappy ain’t got to time ‘fer that lernin’ crap. Ain’t that right? Or do you even know your pappy? Does your mom even know who your pappy wuz, boy?
Bad Kermit
Yikes. Just smash a piece of chocolate cake into his hair and be done with it.
January 8, 2008 at 1:20 pmBad Kermit
Also, Meyer was hilariously bad as a commentator. I’m not sure why you’d want to call attention to that. “The first possession of the second half is important for LSU, because if they score they’ll be up by another 7 points, and OSU will have to score an additional 7 points to come back.” Thanks for the insight.
January 8, 2008 at 1:23 pmWhere'sThePotOfGold
Hey domer.mq,
The truth hurts doesn’t it? I mean if all you can do is make snide remarks at me because I don’t care if my spelling or grammar is correct on a blog – it must mean that what I said really gets to you. I think I’ve hit a sensitive spot.
I’m not worrying about that stuff on a site like this. But maybe it gives us insight into your frail childhood where your parents expected nothing but perfection and didn’t ever give you praise. You’ve probably spent your entire life trying to gain their approval. If they would only realize your accomplishments in life and pay you a compliment you may actually progress towards a nicer personality.
Well, domer.mq, I’ll give you a compliment – nice grammar on your comments. You really are good at grammar correctness on your blog posts. Your parents should be proud.
Of course when you said this,
“Not that you care ‘cuz boys like you and your pappy ain’t got to time ‘fer that lernin’ crap. Ain’t that right?”
It actually should be “no time” NOT “to time.”
I just don’t think I can read such white trash spelling and grammar anymore.
I must depart!
January 8, 2008 at 9:22 pmdomer.mq
Where’sThePotOfGold,
January 8, 2008 at 9:36 pmI hope that comment was intended as a suicide note.
Where'sThePotOfGold
It was one for you to use.
January 8, 2008 at 9:47 pm