Mitch Mustain Prefers Southern Cal Bench Over Arkansas Bench
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Well, if you’ve paid any attention at all to the off-season drama occurring at the Arkansas Football Program (and how could you not, what with the cancellation of Fox’s “The O.C.”?), then you will not be surprised to hear that Mitch Mustain is officially transferring to Southern Cal.
Quick Recap of all the drama from the top of my head:
Mustain: “I’m totally an awesome highschool QB.”
D1 Coaches Everywhere: “Yes. You are. Come play for me.”
Mustain: “Where shall I go?”
Houston Nutt: “Come to Arkansas.”
Mustain: “I’ll have to think about it.”
Houston Nutt: “I’m hiring your high school head coach as my Offensive Coordinator.”
Mustain: “Oooh! Ok!”
Later in the season…
Mustain: “Coach Weis is clearly the best offensive mind in college football. I want to play for him.”
Entire state of Arkansas: “Disloyal S.O.B.”
Charlie Weis: “There’s no room for you here. I’ve already got my 2 QB commits.”
Mustain: “But I wanna…”
Weis: “No.”
Mustain: “But…”
Weis: “No.”
Mustain’s Mom: “Charlie Weis is a liar.”
Entire World: “Whatever.”
Next Season…
Nutt: “Welcome to Arkansas, Mitch. Here’s the ball. Go win some games.”
Mustain: “Ok.”
Later that season…
Nutt: “I’m not gonna let your old high school coach call plays anymore. And by the way, we’re gonna run an offense that would make Pop Warner kids look like pros.”
Mustain: “Um…”
Nutt: “Sit down, Mitch. You’re in my way.”
Mustain: “Um…”
After that season…
Mustain: “I’m, like, so totally not happy.”
Mustain’s ex-high school coach/quasi OC: “I’m leaving. This place is for suxors!”
Mustain: “Dude! I’m leaving too!”
Houston Nutt’s Insane Wife: “Mtch U R such teh loozer!!!!!111111111111111″
Houston Nutt: “Uh…”
Insane Arkansas Fan/Lawyer: “Ever heard of a little thing called the ‘Freedom of Information Act?’ Now I’ve got your cell phone records.”
Houston Nutt: “You can’t do that!”
Entire World: “Yes he can.”
Mustain: “I’m outta here.”
Pete Caroll: “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude! I’m, like, so totally psyched! I love life! Come play for us! You’ll get a chance to start! Ooh! An opportunity to show how energetic and spry I am for a middle-aged guy! I gotta go! Call me!”
Mustain: “Wow! Sounds awesome! I’m in!”
Mark Sanchez: “Suxor!”
That’s as accurate as I can recall the entire saga. It’s not exactly Homerian, I’ll grant you, but you get the gist.
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