Yeah, so, it being the off-season and all, apparently I slipped and let a few Fridays pass without doing a roundup. And seeing as how our readership has responded (based on stats of Google Analytics), you’ve all not taken too kindly to it, and decided to spend your time elsewhere. I’m looking at you, Mr. “I Think My Time Is Better Spent Over At HelloKittyFunLand.com.”

Consider this a feeble appology.

The Roundup:

• SMQ picked up on a piece by the South Bend Tribune’s Eric Hansen about ND’s young QB (and my personal favorite to take the starting job), Demetrius Jones. Poor Eric. He’s probably just now getting a hang of Jersey lingo. Now he’s gonna have to learn about the G-Code. Clearly Eric never attended 40s at 4 on ND’s campus, where the malt liquor flowed like beer, and the late 90s gangsta rap was celebrated like the works of a modern day Bach.
• We’re not saying that USC’s Brian Cushing takes/took performance enhancing drugs. We’re just saying that his lately-apparent man-boobs are the least of his worries this spring. And it makes us wonder if we should find it all ironic or not.
• SEC Football Fans are in mourning this week as they’ve now been moved down to #3 in the ranking of most psychotic sports fans in the history of the world - right behind Columbian soccer fans and Pakistani cricket fans.

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• Friday Roundup: The Biscuit Edition
• Friday Roundup: The “It’s All About Bob” Edition
• Friday Roundup: The Saturday, the 14th Edition

Just checking into the Her Loyal Sons’ Bracketitis NCAA Men’s Basketball National Championship Tournament Bracket Game Hosted By CBS Sportsline.com, I see that I’m right where I’ve been my entire life: Right in the middle of the pack. Hey, if you’re never the winner, then nobody will ever notice you enough to hate you. That’s my motto. It doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but what do you want? Something memorable? Then someone might notice it and me. And all I’ve ever gotten for being noticed is emergency dental work, so no thanks. My motto used to be “Keep your head down and stay near the on-duty teacher and you wont get hurt, and mom wont have to buy you new glasses again,” but that hardly ever really applies anymore.

Meanwhile, we do have a “leader” on this leader board. Clearly Tom Brown doesn’t mind being noticed. Well lah-dee-f’ing-dah, Tom. (By the way, “Tom Brown?” Like we aren’t going to figure out you’re real name is Tim? Whatever, Tim.)

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• …make it Suntory time.
• Personal Foul, Roughing the Passer! 15 Yard Penalty! First Dooooooooooowwwnnnn!!!!!
• He Gets Paid For This? Seriously?

I love previews. The other night I went out to see The 300, and while it was pretty damned awesome, despite being about Michigan State’s mascot (a post observing the misnomer of that entire athletic program is sure to follow), the previews were almost worth the cost of the ticket on their own (10 freaking bucks!).

I also got really geeked to see the new preview of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End this week (No. I didn’t watch Dancing with the Stars so I could see the preview.). Lots of stuff packed in there to pour over and guess at. What’s it all really telling us?

And finally, my favorite preview of all starts today. Notre Dame begins Spring Practice this afternoon. And already, even before we get the little bits of info floating off of the practice fields, people have begun to speculate.

If you listen to or read the press conference transcript, you’ll pick up on some key items:

• Chris “That’s no moon” Stewart will begin the Spring on the defensive side of the ball.
• Travis Thomas is a running back. Again.
• One of the members of the press sounds like a tranny.
• Jimmy Clausen is “full-go” despite dumbasses reporting otherwise.
• There will be more “Jersey Rhetoric” this year. Oh to be a fly on those walls. With a tape recorder. Flies have short memories.
• Britney Spears is a psychopath.
• There’s probably going to be a sizable rotation at running back.

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• USA Loses To Greece in Basketball World Chamionships, er, World Basketball Championships. Um, I mean FIBA… Whatever.
• There Can Be Only One: The Michigan (sucks!) Perspective

Normally, we here at HLS will tow the party line and guard any information about the program to the death. Deny! Deny! Deny! Think of us as less “blog” and more “Soviet State Controlled Media.” You know, like all the media Vladimir Putin controls today in Russia.
Still, the Chicago Sun Times has actual quotes about Jimmy Clausen’s actual arm from Jimmy Clausen’s actual father.

”We’ve been aware that this was an issue,” the elder Clausen said. ”He played 15 games with the problem this past season, so you know he’s a competitor. But I think at the end of the season, he started to lose some velocity.

”At some point, if it’s causing that much discomfort, we’ll see what other option is best.”

Hmm. I’m starting to think previous reports of bone spurs may (or may not!) be accurate.  But good luck getting any real confirmation from within the program, especially from Weis.  He has no qualms about playing the role of Iraqi Information Minister, no matter how obvious the story may seem from the outside.
Here’s my educated guess: Weis is going to have Jimmy compete for the starting job this Spring. And as things progress, the kid with the golden arm will be monitored. If some thing’s amiss, then Weis will just go with one of his other highly talented options at QB, and let Jimmy get his arm poked/prodded/cleaned-out/exorcised. I doubt it’s so much Weis isn’t concerned about Jimmy’s arm as it’s that Weis isn’t concerned that he’ll be able to find a capable leader for his offense among his stable of quarterbacks.

1 Word, 1 Letter: Double D.

Nothing to see here. Carry on.

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• This Right Here is some BULLSHIT, ESPN.
• Did OJ’s Trojans Not Work?
• Still Laughing?

I don’t normally do this, but the article is so good that it must be shared. So, even though it’s not the original source, head on over here and take a gander at what makes Jimmy Clausen tick. I couldn’t find another source, and I figure going on a website and telling you to buy a copy of ESPN the Magazine is both lame and immoral.

The kid is an interesting experiment. There’s probably never been a kid more “prepared” to enter the Notre Dame Football World. But is that necessarily a good thing? I suppose it depends on the makeup of the man. And shockingly enough, considering this article was spewed out of the bastion of ineptitude and bitterness that is ESPN, to read this article you’ve got to think that Jimmy isn’t just ready for Notre Dame on a mental aptitude scale, but also on a mental toughness scale. Just read the bit about the behavior of his old high school rivals:

When the two schools meet again, in the playoffs, it’s an obvious grudge match. Oaks Christian is leading 25-0 when Jimmy scrambles to the sideline. Suddenly, a linebacker whose helmet has fallen off slams Jimmy deep into the bench. As the refs call unnecessary roughness, Jimmy raises his palms to the crowd as if to say, “That’s all you got?” But across the field, the tackler, Sean Westgate, is an instant cult hero. Oak Park coaches and fans feel Jimmy has never been hit; now Westgate has hit him, hard. As the refs enforce the penalty, the Oak Park crowd chants, “That was worth it. That was worth it.” The hate continues.

Clearly, Jimmy can take a hit. What is also clear is that Jimmy has already dealt with the sorts of people that cheer for schools like Michigan and Purdue.

Spring Ball is nearly here, and Jimmy has some high quality competition for the starting QB spot. The other guys are extremely talented and have spent more time in the system. Yet it looks like Jimmy may not be starting off with much of a handicap if any at all.

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• Clausen Had A Procedure. Everybody Panic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111 UPDATED
• Tick Tock And Ya Don’t Stop…
• Jimmy Clausen Has Poor Taste in Beer

Random tidbit picked up from the Monday Morning QB:

8. I think the NFL rookie version of A-Rod and Jeter is JaMarcus Russell and Brady Quinn. Being around Russell at the combine, I got the feeling he won’t be inviting Quinn to any of his pre-draft soirees. Seems he thinks Quinn was a bit stuck-up when they worked out in Tempe over the last couple of months. And Quinn doesn’t know exactly what happened, but he saw he was scheduled to work alongside Russell when the two first got to Arizona, and the next day he saw Russell had been switched out of the group. Coincidence? Maybe. But they’re not destined to be best buds.

Aside from the fact that Russell works out or at least planned to work out, this isn’t really surprising. You gotta figure that Brady doesn’t suffer fools very well. He also doesn’t seem to be the kind of guy who’d like to associate himself with those who live a gluttonous and sloth-like life (further evidence that Brady and I will never be friends). And Ja “Damn were my parents stupid for giving me this name” Marcus Russel probably resents Brady for all his talent. And abs.

Brady just can’t stand the sight of the result of all that carb consumption.

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• Quinn, Montana Pass Too Near Eachother. Warp Time, Color
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Well, it’s been about a month since the “Brady Quinn’s Draft Status Dropping Like A Rock” stories have started surfacing. Time to hedge the bets I guess.

Quinn not only impressed NFL coaches and scouts at his workout but also has impressed teams with the seriousness with which he has taken the process.

“The kid is in unbelievable shape and he’s really focused,” a source said. “The question between him and [LSU quarterback JaMarcus] Russell is going to be a matter of what teams like more. Do you want a guy who can throw the ball all over the field and is the bigger, strong guy? If so, you take Russell. If you want the guy who is better prepped to play now, you take Quinn.

“Quinn is in shape, he’s a good athlete and he’s bright. He knows how to handle a tough coach. He’s going to be fine.”

The scout then scoffed at the criticism that Quinn didn’t win big games at Notre Dame as a senior. Quinn, 0-3 in career bowl games, ended his career with a 41-14 loss to LSU in the Sugar Bowl.

“The kid did his part. He played very well. Was he great every time? No, but nobody is. The fact is that Notre Dame didn’t have nearly the talent that a bunch of other teams had.”

Yeah. That’s what we thought. I can’t recall if Jason Cole was one of the talking heads that breathlessly heralded the demise of Quinn just weeks ago, so we gave him a link for good measure (I’m too lazy for research). Still, the “expert” pundits of the draft remind me of so many tourists who’d come to visit my hometown when I was a teen, rent a sailboat for the day, and then zig and zag out of control until they inevitably crashed into something or, on rare occasion, were never heard from again.

Problem is, these pundits never seem to get swept out to sea.

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As expected, Cubs pitcher and former Notre Dame wide receiver Jeff Samardzija, pictured here after Cubs manager Lou Piniella forced him to get his hair cut, will not be heading north with the team when they break camp at the end of this month. Samardzija was one of 14 players cut from the big club on Monday as the Cubs optioned him to the single-A Daytona Cubs.

Before Samardzija was cut, however, he had a chance to face San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds. Bonds was allowed to wear his traditional body armor as he faced the hard-throwing Samardzija. Perhaps thrown off by the sight of Bonds’ exoskeleton and the gravitational pull of Bonds’ massive head, Samardzija gave up a single to the obvious steroid abuser.

Samardzija said of the at-bat, “It was cool. I tried to keep cool and just make some pitches. I kept the sinker up a little bit, and he put the bat on it.”

Cubs general manager Jim Hendry seems impressed with the young Samardzija. “It was very entertaining,” Hendry said, “but I’ve been excited about this kid since the day we got him. He handled himself like a pro with a lot of poise. He’s a big-time guy.”

Piniella was similarly impressed. “He’s pitched like a veteran really,” Piniella said. “You could see that he’s had big-time exposure playing football at Notre Dame. This hasn’t fazed him too much. I think he’s looked at some of our veteran pitchers and how they go about their business, what it takes to be a big leaguer, and he’ll take that with him. I wouldn’t be surprised that he’ll have good, steady progress in the Minor League system.”

Samardzija had an impressive spring, giving up only one earned run in 3 appearances and 5 innings pitched, good for a 1.80 ERA. He walked only one batter, struck out 3, and gave up 6 hits. Kermit’s wild prediction of the spring? Shark will be in the Cubs’ rotation by July of 2008. I’m not quite wild enough to say he’ll start a game as a Cub before Mark Prior does. Yet.

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