This weekend we have April Fools Day. So if you wake up on Sunday morning and your wife is gone and there’s a note left on the counter in the kitchen saying she knows all about you and your floozy administrative assistant, but that’s fine because she’s leaving you for the gardener, well, you’ve got problems. But you should really be on the lookout for people looking to pull a prank on you while you’re trying to get your life back in order.

The Roundup:

• I’d think this is an April Fools joke if it were April Fools today, but apparently Jim Harbaugh says that Poodle Pete is leaving Southern Cal after this year. Maybe he’s tired of all those funny faked suicide pranks and hilarious faux white supremacy groups.
• BGS has a very thorough rundown of what’s been going on at Notre Dame’s spring practices thus far. Can’t wait ’till Charlie lets the cat out of the bag on that whole “Gary Gray Broke his arm” thing.
• The University of Washington is, perhaps, the victim of a huge prank: The notion that Kent Baer can coach. The punchline is a familiar one: “Except for a few plays here or there…”
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Myles. Myles who? Myles Brand is concerned that college coaching salaries are getting to be ridiculous. Wait. That didn’t work. Anyone know how to tell a knock, knock joke using irony? Damn.
• Update: One of Purdue’s players took part in a prank affectionately known as “Victim of stabby guy with pointy thing.“

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The Spring Game is coming up. Not long now. And we’re hearing rumors of very high ticket sales already. Now, this may be hype on the part of the ND SID to help boost overall sales, but this is also the first Spring game with any real intrigue in a long time. Even when Charlie held his first B/G Game, we all knew that Brady Quinn would be our starting QB, and most ND fans were all pretty well versed in the Minter defensive philosophy (for better or worse).

Now we’ve got a completely open QB battle with probably the most overall talent spread throughout the QB stable since the Lou Holtz days. We’ve got a brand new DC with no DC experience (and thus no tendencies upon which to draw educated guesses). All while the running back positions are up for grabs among a ton of talent lead by a guy who was a linebacker last year. Not to mention a converted OL with his own gravitational system giving Nose Tackle the ole’ college try. Heck, half the stadium at this year’s B/G Game will probably be full of opposing teams’ scouts. At least last year they knew things like “Brady Quinn will throw the ball. A lot. To Jeff Samardzija.” What do they know now? What do any of us really know?

Nothing.

Lost in a lot of the discussion is Weis’ offensive philosophy. He’s not a system guy. He had a system the past 2 years that fit really well with his players. Now he’s got to replace almost his entire offense, but he wont fill that offense with players that fit a system. He’ll structure his system around his best players. So we’re intrigued, and opposing defenses should be absolutely terrified. I eagerly anticipate the magic of the 3-TE “Jumbo” Package where all 3 TE split out wide. Take that, you little 5′8″ cornerback f’ers.

Well, at least we all have a good idea about how recruiting will go this year.

Oh. Wait. No. Weis is giving his new recruiting philosophy, where committing to ND is like swearing a blood oath on the lives of your unborn children, a try. And already that’s getting very, very interesting. If you can stand the Ryan Adams overload, have a listen to this and this.

PS – If any of our 7 readers happens to run XM/Sirius, please consider picking up Mike Frank’s Power Hour as a national show. Just don’t let him use Ryan Adams ever again.

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Though that would be kind of fun to see, we all know that Chris actually getting bigger would be insane.  I mean, look at this “kid” (thanks to B&G for the picture, copyright line and all).

With the switch to the 3-4 (or ’3-4 personnell’ as C-dub likes to say), the nose tackle position becomes even more important.  It will be on the NT to force a double team, and to still make plays.  Basically it takes a house of an individual to do this, and for my money, that’s Chris Stewart.  Speaking of houses, I wonder if Chris is bigger than the guy that played House in Police Academy (part 3?).  Anyone have any pictures? I’d like to do a side-by-side…

Anyway, back to the point, if I have one:  what struck me in the recent BG article focusing on Stewart’s potentially-experimental-potentially-permanent shift to nose tackle is the level of maturity he displayed in the way he handled the interview, and his obvious maturation in terms of discipline and effort in making the transition to big time college football.

The first sign of Chris’ growing up came with his new-found dedication to physical conditioning.  When you’re in high school, just being 375+ makes you a dominant force.  I mean, how big are the kids across from you week to week?  Maybe 250?  All you do is lie down on them, and it’s over.  Pancake style.

In college, things aren’t that easy.  So Chris is learning to take care of himself – working hard at conditioning and shedding 75+ pounds in the process to hit a new, ‘trim’, weight of anywhere from 320-340, depending on the source.

“It’s basically like night and day, working with Coach Mendoza and the strength and conditioning staff.  Now it’s not so much, ‘Can I make it through this drill?’ or lower level things like that. Now I’m concentrating on doing things the right way, doing things sound.

Being in better shape, you’re able to concentrate on important things: how to make a play, how to do things right, how to think when you’re tired and beat your opponent…During the agility days in our workouts, I really noticed it. I was able to push through fatigue and be there with my teammates helping others – that’s when I really noticed I wasn’t the weakest link anymore and I was pushing the way everyone else was pushing. To push myself past that boundary was a significant thing to me.

Chris has also worked on his diet – switching from the typical high school diet of burgers, fries, coke and candy to some heartier dining hall meals. This isn’t easy in a dining hall that offers those burgers, waffles with cream, a mile of pure-sugar cereal and fried everything (chicken, fries, onion rings…) every day. My guess is that he hits the Stir Fry line, then the Home Cookin’ line, before getting himself some Moose Tracks a few times a week. 

But no matter how much he eats, it sounds like it’s getting healthier:

I’ve transitioned that to a lot more fruits and vegetables, a lot more broiled and steamed foods. I have bad stuff probably once or twice every week, but it’s a lot better than every day…and I’ve cut out the sweets a lot.

So it’s nice to see Chris taking ownership of his physical conditioning.  It’s something he’ll certainly need to succeed as a nose tackle, or anywhere on the field at Notre Dame for that matter.

I was also impressed by how much Chris spoke about his desire to study and learn the game.  This isn’t a trait unique only to Chris on the squad (as it’s obvious that Charlie goes after players with the ability to ‘get it’, and also the desire to), but it’s an important one. 

I enjoy learning.  Playbooks, schematics, I enjoy watching pro tapes of guys moving around. It’s kind of exciting for me to learn something new. I’m kind of taking this on the same way.

I doubt that you’d rarely hear something like this among the OL/DL corps of most big-time D1 programs, and it’s great to hear it from a relatively young, raw talent like Chris. 

Given the increased importance of this position, and his newness on the defensive side of the ball, it’s great to see this mind-set emerging. And hopefully it permeates the DL, from the leaders down to the new guys.

Last year I would have called Chris a man-child. 

Now?  Just a man. 

This Fall?  Hopefully, The Man.

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Kyle Rudolph, a top-ranked Tight End recruit from Cincinnatti, committed to join Charlie’s Army in the recruiting class of 2008 today.  While he has not yet held his formal press conference, it sounds like this is a done deal.

Rudolph has a big frame at 6′7″, 225.  Clearly he will need to bulk up a bit, but with the Strength and Conditioning staff that will happen quickly.  With John Carlson returning, and top-ranked TE recruits Konrad Reuland and Mike Ragone on board, ND is quickly becoming the place to be for receiving Tight Ends.

“You don’t want to go somewhere to be another lineman. You definitely want to get the ball.”

I like that attitude. 

Welcome to the family, Kyle!

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We at HLS are big time.  That’s right, big time.  And I’m sure all 3 of you can tell.  We’re so big time that ESPN recently invited one of our representatives to a VIP behind-the-scenes tour at their state of the art HQ and facilities in Bristol, CT.  And we figured it is our duty to share some of the highlights with our fans.

Now, we may not ever always agree with ESPN’s analysis and/or coverage of ND Football, but one thing we can say is this:  these dudes have sweet TV’s.  I mean, this setup is SICK.  With a few changes (cough, cough, NoMoreBobDavieonNDGames, cough), I could get used to watching games in a place like this.

To be certain, there are more pictures with The Biscuit sitting in Mike Golic’s hallowed ESPN Radio chair, and on the SportsCenter set, and dunking over Shaq’s pansy ass, but to maintain our anonymity those will remain forever squired away in the HLS vaults.  Yes, we have vaults. 

The tour included some cool stuff.  A few of the more memorable portions included…

Mike and Mike’s Radio Show Studio – Golic rules.

The Central News Room – this was badass.

ESPN Hoops – where I schooled Shaq.

College Gameday Studio – cruised by while they were filming, so we weren’t allowed in. Dissed.

SportsCenter Set – this was the coolest.  Easily. The. Coolest.  Too bad the damn sign is so big I couldn’t zoom out enough.  I sat in that desk and proclaimed ND BCS Champs 2009.  Can’t wait for them to run that tape.

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While I found video of a press conference by LSU Miami Dolphin Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban interesting, I had a difficult time concentrating because he has a few habits that he really ought to break unless he wants the always civilized Alabama fan-base to start talking…

Must’ve been hangin’ out with some highfalutin’ Yankees over in Miami, Sissy Boy.

Find something, Nick?

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Urban Meyer is a liar. This is a sentence that has been used a lot in the course of history. “Notre Dame is my dream job,” said Meyer. “Urban Meyer is a liar,” said everyone associated with Notre Dame after Urban, thankfully, took the Florida job instead. Essentially, people say the words, “Urban Meyer is a Liar” more than people say, “domer.mq is really hot.” So you know it happens a lot.

And now even Urb is admitting to it. After having already called his current team a “train wreck,” Urb admits that he made shit up to motivate his players.

Strange words keep coming from the mouth of Florida coach Urban Meyer. Recently, he called his team a “train wreck,” now he’s admitted to creating his own bulletin board material to fire up the Gators before the BCS title game. When asked by Adam Mertz of The Capital Times (Madison, WI) about the quotes supposedly degrading Florida before January’s championship game against Ohio State:

“Half of them were made up,” Meyer said, chuckling. “All you do is stick (ESPN’s) ‘Kirk Herbstreit’ at the end of it and players will buy into it.”

Of course his players were never going to pick up on it if he hadn’t admitted to such acts – not because his players don’t watch ESPN, but because they couldn’t read the bulletin board material to begin with.

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ESPN has changed its tune on Brady Quinn’s draft status.  Oh, and guess what, most other people have too.  Quinn started out as “God’s Gift to the Draft” early in the year, slipped to anywhere from spot 10 to 1,000,000, and is now back up to #2 in Kiper’s mock draft.  Kiper’s top 3:

1. Oakland – JaMarcus Russell, QB, LSU: Nothing changes at the top of the draft board. The Raiders passed on Matt Leinart and Jay Cutler last year, so opting away from another highly regarded signal-caller won’t happen this time around. Russell’s physical prowess seems to have everyone wowed.

2. Detroit – Brady Quinn, QB, Notre Dame: The Lions have the option of selecting QB Brady Quinn or RB Adrian Peterson, trading down, or adding a pass-rusher supreme such as Gaines Adams to bolster what already has the makings of a standout defensive front. By trading down, they could still get a player like Adams. Quinn, though, might be too hard to pass up for an organization that needs a smart, tough, high-profile signal-caller like him to become the face of the franchise. Remember, the Lions are one of the few teams that have never even been to a Super Bowl, let alone won one. Additionally, they passed on Dan Marino back in 1983 and, as recently as last year, opted away from Leinart and Cutler.

3. Cleveland – Adrian Peterson, RB, Oklahoma: You would figure this choice to be between Peterson and Quinn, depending on whether the latter is still on the board. Either would look great in a Browns uniform. Veteran RB Jamal Lewis was signed to only a one-year deal, so that obviously doesn’t preclude the team from taking a potential franchise back like Peterson.

Two weeks ago Quinn’s “stock was falling”, he “would be lucky to make the top 10″, etc.  Now he is a “smart, tough, high-profile signal caller” and would “look great in a Brown’s uniform”.

So what the F gives?  The kid hasn’t played in months.  He worked out and showed what everyone already knew from watching a shite-ton of game film:  he’s a good quarterback.   They learned in the interviews how hard of a worker he is, and how dedicated. And they learned he can pump iron, and not like a girly-man.

Now’s he’s #2.  My question is, why did he drop in the first place?  Well, it’s the same reason we always see with ND football:  The media talking about how great the team/its star QB is gets people to dial in, log on or buy a magazine.  Same with the opposite – trashing ND or its star QB gets the same result.  Not like this is a new message:  but people either love or hate ND, and it drives ratings/ad rates/spending/etc. that are the fuel to the economic fire that is college sports today.  He never really dropped, or moved back up again.  It was just fun and profitable for the media to say he did.

Brady got no better and no worse in the eyes of the scouts and owners.  Sure, he may have piqued an interest where there was none before.  Or maybe someone that loved him early is now leaning another way.  But his stats havent changed, his demeanor hasnt changed, nothing has changed. If anything, he’s just gotten stronger.  Everything else is about status quo at this point.

And everything in between was a big make-believe roller coaster ride that ESPN and Sports Media in general took the unknowing masses on to get their time and money.  Yay capitalism!  But as Flav-o-flav and his big clock said:  don’t believe the hype.   Boyyyyeeeeeee!

BQ could still go #1, if the work ethic (or lack thereof) of J. Russell is exposed.  If not, he’ll be sitting pretty somewhere in the Top 2-3 picks after trading up and all that Jazz.

But we’re gonna go with the line:  Quinn Projected #1.  Because we want people to visit our web site. And we know our audience well.

Too bad we have nothing to sell you but love for Our Lady.  For us, that’s plenty.   Go Irish.

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Yeah, so, it being the off-season and all, apparently I slipped and let a few Fridays pass without doing a roundup. And seeing as how our readership has responded (based on stats of Google Analytics), you’ve all not taken too kindly to it, and decided to spend your time elsewhere. I’m looking at you, Mr. “I Think My Time Is Better Spent Over At HelloKittyFunLand.com.”

Consider this a feeble appology.

The Roundup:

• SMQ picked up on a piece by the South Bend Tribune’s Eric Hansen about ND’s young QB (and my personal favorite to take the starting job), Demetrius Jones. Poor Eric. He’s probably just now getting a hang of Jersey lingo. Now he’s gonna have to learn about the G-Code. Clearly Eric never attended 40s at 4 on ND’s campus, where the malt liquor flowed like beer, and the late 90s gangsta rap was celebrated like the works of a modern day Bach.
• We’re not saying that USC’s Brian Cushing takes/took performance enhancing drugs. We’re just saying that his lately-apparent man-boobs are the least of his worries this spring. And it makes us wonder if we should find it all ironic or not.
• SEC Football Fans are in mourning this week as they’ve now been moved down to #3 in the ranking of most psychotic sports fans in the history of the world – right behind Columbian soccer fans and Pakistani cricket fans.

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Just checking into the Her Loyal Sons’ Bracketitis NCAA Men’s Basketball National Championship Tournament Bracket Game Hosted By CBS Sportsline.com, I see that I’m right where I’ve been my entire life: Right in the middle of the pack. Hey, if you’re never the winner, then nobody will ever notice you enough to hate you. That’s my motto. It doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but what do you want? Something memorable? Then someone might notice it and me. And all I’ve ever gotten for being noticed is emergency dental work, so no thanks. My motto used to be “Keep your head down and stay near the on-duty teacher and you wont get hurt, and mom wont have to buy you new glasses again,” but that hardly ever really applies anymore.

Meanwhile, we do have a “leader” on this leader board. Clearly Tom Brown doesn’t mind being noticed. Well lah-dee-f’ing-dah, Tom. (By the way, “Tom Brown?” Like we aren’t going to figure out you’re real name is Tim? Whatever, Tim.)

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I love previews. The other night I went out to see The 300, and while it was pretty damned awesome, despite being about Michigan State’s mascot (a post observing the misnomer of that entire athletic program is sure to follow), the previews were almost worth the cost of the ticket on their own (10 freaking bucks!).

I also got really geeked to see the new preview of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End this week (No. I didn’t watch Dancing with the Stars so I could see the preview.). Lots of stuff packed in there to pour over and guess at. What’s it all really telling us?

And finally, my favorite preview of all starts today. Notre Dame begins Spring Practice this afternoon. And already, even before we get the little bits of info floating off of the practice fields, people have begun to speculate.

If you listen to or read the press conference transcript, you’ll pick up on some key items:

• Chris “That’s no moon” Stewart will begin the Spring on the defensive side of the ball.
• Travis Thomas is a running back. Again.
• One of the members of the press sounds like a tranny.
• Jimmy Clausen is “full-go” despite dumbasses reporting otherwise.
• There will be more “Jersey Rhetoric” this year. Oh to be a fly on those walls. With a tape recorder. Flies have short memories.
• Britney Spears is a psychopath.
• There’s probably going to be a sizable rotation at running back.

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Normally, we here at HLS will tow the party line and guard any information about the program to the death. Deny! Deny! Deny! Think of us as less “blog” and more “Soviet State Controlled Media.” You know, like all the media Vladimir Putin controls today in Russia.
Still, the Chicago Sun Times has actual quotes about Jimmy Clausen’s actual arm from Jimmy Clausen’s actual father.

”We’ve been aware that this was an issue,” the elder Clausen said. ”He played 15 games with the problem this past season, so you know he’s a competitor. But I think at the end of the season, he started to lose some velocity.

”At some point, if it’s causing that much discomfort, we’ll see what other option is best.”

Hmm. I’m starting to think previous reports of bone spurs may (or may not!) be accurate.  But good luck getting any real confirmation from within the program, especially from Weis.  He has no qualms about playing the role of Iraqi Information Minister, no matter how obvious the story may seem from the outside.
Here’s my educated guess: Weis is going to have Jimmy compete for the starting job this Spring. And as things progress, the kid with the golden arm will be monitored. If some thing’s amiss, then Weis will just go with one of his other highly talented options at QB, and let Jimmy get his arm poked/prodded/cleaned-out/exorcised. I doubt it’s so much Weis isn’t concerned about Jimmy’s arm as it’s that Weis isn’t concerned that he’ll be able to find a capable leader for his offense among his stable of quarterbacks.

1 Word, 1 Letter: Double D.

Nothing to see here. Carry on.

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I don’t normally do this, but the article is so good that it must be shared. So, even though it’s not the original source, head on over here and take a gander at what makes Jimmy Clausen tick. I couldn’t find another source, and I figure going on a website and telling you to buy a copy of ESPN the Magazine is both lame and immoral.

The kid is an interesting experiment. There’s probably never been a kid more “prepared” to enter the Notre Dame Football World. But is that necessarily a good thing? I suppose it depends on the makeup of the man. And shockingly enough, considering this article was spewed out of the bastion of ineptitude and bitterness that is ESPN, to read this article you’ve got to think that Jimmy isn’t just ready for Notre Dame on a mental aptitude scale, but also on a mental toughness scale. Just read the bit about the behavior of his old high school rivals:

When the two schools meet again, in the playoffs, it’s an obvious grudge match. Oaks Christian is leading 25-0 when Jimmy scrambles to the sideline. Suddenly, a linebacker whose helmet has fallen off slams Jimmy deep into the bench. As the refs call unnecessary roughness, Jimmy raises his palms to the crowd as if to say, “That’s all you got?” But across the field, the tackler, Sean Westgate, is an instant cult hero. Oak Park coaches and fans feel Jimmy has never been hit; now Westgate has hit him, hard. As the refs enforce the penalty, the Oak Park crowd chants, “That was worth it. That was worth it.” The hate continues.

Clearly, Jimmy can take a hit. What is also clear is that Jimmy has already dealt with the sorts of people that cheer for schools like Michigan and Purdue.

Spring Ball is nearly here, and Jimmy has some high quality competition for the starting QB spot. The other guys are extremely talented and have spent more time in the system. Yet it looks like Jimmy may not be starting off with much of a handicap if any at all.

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Random tidbit picked up from the Monday Morning QB:

8. I think the NFL rookie version of A-Rod and Jeter is JaMarcus Russell and Brady Quinn. Being around Russell at the combine, I got the feeling he won’t be inviting Quinn to any of his pre-draft soirees. Seems he thinks Quinn was a bit stuck-up when they worked out in Tempe over the last couple of months. And Quinn doesn’t know exactly what happened, but he saw he was scheduled to work alongside Russell when the two first got to Arizona, and the next day he saw Russell had been switched out of the group. Coincidence? Maybe. But they’re not destined to be best buds.

Aside from the fact that Russell works out or at least planned to work out, this isn’t really surprising. You gotta figure that Brady doesn’t suffer fools very well. He also doesn’t seem to be the kind of guy who’d like to associate himself with those who live a gluttonous and sloth-like life (further evidence that Brady and I will never be friends). And Ja “Damn were my parents stupid for giving me this name” Marcus Russel probably resents Brady for all his talent. And abs.

Brady just can’t stand the sight of the result of all that carb consumption.

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Well, it’s been about a month since the “Brady Quinn’s Draft Status Dropping Like A Rock” stories have started surfacing. Time to hedge the bets I guess.

Quinn not only impressed NFL coaches and scouts at his workout but also has impressed teams with the seriousness with which he has taken the process.

“The kid is in unbelievable shape and he’s really focused,” a source said. “The question between him and [LSU quarterback JaMarcus] Russell is going to be a matter of what teams like more. Do you want a guy who can throw the ball all over the field and is the bigger, strong guy? If so, you take Russell. If you want the guy who is better prepped to play now, you take Quinn.

“Quinn is in shape, he’s a good athlete and he’s bright. He knows how to handle a tough coach. He’s going to be fine.”

The scout then scoffed at the criticism that Quinn didn’t win big games at Notre Dame as a senior. Quinn, 0-3 in career bowl games, ended his career with a 41-14 loss to LSU in the Sugar Bowl.

“The kid did his part. He played very well. Was he great every time? No, but nobody is. The fact is that Notre Dame didn’t have nearly the talent that a bunch of other teams had.”

Yeah. That’s what we thought. I can’t recall if Jason Cole was one of the talking heads that breathlessly heralded the demise of Quinn just weeks ago, so we gave him a link for good measure (I’m too lazy for research). Still, the “expert” pundits of the draft remind me of so many tourists who’d come to visit my hometown when I was a teen, rent a sailboat for the day, and then zig and zag out of control until they inevitably crashed into something or, on rare occasion, were never heard from again.

Problem is, these pundits never seem to get swept out to sea.

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