The Biscuit Calls Presser, Announces that He’ll Declare for the NFL Draft

"Hell, everyone else is, I might as well declare too"  quoth The Biscuit.  ("Nevermore" said Bad Kermit.)  ("F U" replied Biscuit.)

I digress...

Everyone is going Pro!  ND junior running backs, Jamarcus Russellses, Saint Smiths...even Poodles!  It's pandemonium I tell you!

And you know what I think it is? I think everyone's sick of the BCS. The lame drama.  They want some cash and they want it now.  The old world about education and values and learning and growing and paying your dues?  Peh!  A waste!  And the BSC makes it too annoying to deal with it all!  Give me some dolla bills ya'll!

So here's a selective list, and my totally unfounded comments on why they're heading to the NFL:

• Darius Walker, RB, Notre Dame - Darius had to figure a few things.  First, his draft status could only get worse next year, with a brand new line (for the most part), and the lack of BQ to open up the running game for him.  He could also be worried about all of the freaking speed coming up on his would-be heels in the form of young, extremely fast RB's.
• Jamarcus Russell, QB, LSU - This guy is hungry.  Did you see how big he is?  He's like House from Police Academy, only slightly larger.  And Dining Hall meals aren't cutting it.  Do you know how many times a day you can go to Waffle House and/or Ponderosa and get HUGE meals on an NFL salary?  Like, maybe TWICE!
• Adrian Peterson, RB, Oklahoma - Despite his broken collar bone (who breaks a freaking collar bone anyway, when FALLING DOWN UNTOUCHED?), Peterson's stock is really high, and it wasn't going to get any higher.  OK will be half-rebuilding next year, and AP figured he could've fallen out of the spotlight.  Or broken his right ear bone in a freak accident where he bumps the side of his face gently on the fridge.  I doubt he wants to get the nickname GlassJaw McGraw before entering the draft, so he's going for it now.
• Dwayne Jarrett, WR, USC - DJ read the writing on the wall.  Poodle Pete is not the type of guy to stick around college football for long when Dolphins come swimming by offering free beer and pretzels and total franchise control.  And he knows that the USC program is hanging on a very thin thread right now, and with PP (ha! peepee!) heading to the pros, things could go downhill quick.  Plus, he's sick of living in the ghetto.  Ask Everson Griffen's Mom about all that.
• Pete Carroll, Head Ass, USC - I love how Pete is addressing his 'talk' with Miami.  He is saying things that put a slightly positive spin on his being courted by, and his consideration of a job with, an NFL franchise.  And of course he says he's staying, but he says it in that "I'm f-ing out of here" way that most sought-after coaches prefer these days.  (Read:  Petrino.)   They talk about how they're happy where they are, and that they have a lot of work left to do, and how they "love it here".  But what they don't say, unequivocally, is that they are STAYING.  Pete is saying hilarious things like "I'm thrilled to be here" and "I absolutely expect to be here"...but he leaves out the second half of the sentence! 

"I'm thrilled to be here...for another 2 weeks until I cash in my BOOO-YAH NFL signing bonus BITCHES!"     or

"I absolutely expect to be here...no I don't you dumb whores!" 

You'll never get a declaration of loyalty from a guy like Poodle Pete.  Nothing like you'd get from a standup and dedicated coach like Charlie Weis, who's staying at ND until his son is 90.   Why?  Because Pete is for sale.  Highest bidder?  Sold.  New car, new house, new people to screw?  Sold.  And this is something that every USC recruit should think about before that signing day.  Because kids, right now USC is begging Pete to stick around until just after you sign on the dotted line.  And he'll tell you he's planning to stay for all four of your years.  And you'll commit to play at USC, and immediately afterwards he'll ask you to wish him luck with his new job in Miami.  So save yourself the anguish, and re-open your recruiting.  I'd say, oh, now.

There is more, but it is late and I need to sleep.  And dream of Waffle House breakfast. Yum.