After LSU’s Sugar Bowl Win, Rules of College Football Explained to Miles
Bad Kermit
NEW ORLEANS–As his LSU Tigers celebrated their 41-14 dismantling of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, head coach Les Miles took the opportunity in his post-game press conference to ask some important questions about the game of college football. HLS was lucky enough to get an early copy of the transcript of that press conference.
LM: Now, I know when you get the ball into the area where the team logo is, that counts for six points. Does one of your players need to be holding the ball in that area, or can you just wing it in there? Because Russell has a heck of an arm, you know.
PRESS: Your players need to be controlling the ball, coach.
LM: Okay, I guess that makes sense. What does it mean when the guy with the zebra shirt puts his hands way up over his head? Like he’s airing out his pits.
PRESS: Well, that means the team either scored a touchdown or kicked a field goal successfully.
LM: And the field goal is worth two points?
PRESS: Three.
LM: That’s right. That’s right. What’s worth two points again?
PRESS: A safety.
LM: The guy on the defense? Why does he get two points?
PRESS: No, coach, when a player is tackled, goes down, or goes out of bounds in his own end zone, that’s a safety.
LM: End zone! That’s it! I kept wanting to call it “Dead Zone,” like that show with the geek from those John Hughes movies. End zone! I should write that down somewhere.
PRESS: Coach, can we hear your thoughts about your team’s dominant performance over the Irish tonight?
LM: You can hear people’s thoughts? That’s freaking crazy! Do you ever watch that show Heroes? There’s a guy on there who can do that. Of course, I’m partial to the chick from Varsity Blues. Whoa, mama. So what if she can floss with jumper cables?
PRESS: No, coach, we’re interested in you telling us what happened in tonight’s game.
LM: We won. Didn’t you see it?
PRESS: Of course, coach, but we wanted to get some insight as to what went on in your head during the game.
LM: It wasn’t the Insight Bowl, it was the Sugar Bowl. Idiot.
PRESS: I understand, coach, but I was hoping you could tell us what went on in your head during the game.
LM: Well, I was wearing an LSU cap, and then they make me wear those big old earphones so I can talk to the guy who says, “Hut! Hut! Hike!” I usually just put on some MP3s, though. Eye of the Tiger is my favorite, because that’s our team’s whaddya-call-it. Did you see Rocky Balboa yet by the way?
PRESS: No, coach.
LM: Run, don’t walk to see that one.
PRESS: I actually asked what was going on in your head, not on your head.
LM: I don’t know what goes on in there. “I’m a football coach, not a scientist.” Did you ever hear that guy say that line? Star Trek. Good show. I don’t think he was a football coach, though. I think he was a warlock or something.
PRESS: Okay. Well, thank you for your time, coach, and congratulations on the victory.
LM: Who told you what kind of underwear my wife wears?
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8 Comments
That was friggin’ HILARIOUS. In one post, you’ve pretty much summed up what many of us in Teh Bayou have been saying for two years. Kudos. I laughed out loud on that one, and will be reading your blog from now on. Great job, guys.
-4EverLSU
[...] Her Loyal Sons interview Miles [...]
That was absolutely retarded. I read nearly the whole thing, and found it not one bit amusing
too funny. i am a big LSU fan, LSU ‘76. of course, 41-14 always puts me in a jovial mood.
Good find on that transcript. Miles always says it like it is. The PRESS never seems to understand Miles, but we hear him loud and clear. He is a visionary leader, and a helluva football coach. I think next year they are going to let him teach a few classes, though I heard he is a tough grader. I may buckle down and go for it because I think it would round out my sports education degree. I am planning my senior project on the symbolism behind his hat positions during the games. Were there any questions regarding his hat during the refs explanation of the challenge rule?
YeahYouRight, if you tell me which words were giving you trouble, I’d be more than happy to define them for you.
Nice one Domers. He sure isn’t as polished as most coaches in the land. I find myself screaming at the TV or radio when he is putting on an interview. But hey, if he keeps handing out asswhippings to household names like Miami and Notre Dame in bowl games, I’ll settle for him.
Geaux Tigers!
[...] HLS Appeal For Write-In Vote: This award is supposed to go to the funniest blog. How can a blog put up posts like this, this, and this, and not get a nomination for funniest blog? [...]
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