Ba Dum Dum Dum..
The Bowl Season is upon us. Let us rejoice and take a look at what our 2006 opponents are up to this Christmas season.
Georgia Tech (9-4, lost to ND, Bowl Game: Gator Bowl vs. WVU): The Law of Chan Gailey Equilibrium took one in the gnads yesterday when it was announced that Reggie Ball, a.k.a. "The Great Equalizer", is academically ineligible to play in the upcoming bowl game. Instead, they'll be starting their sophomore backup, leading to the questions: How much offense will he need to learn other than "throw it to #21," and this guy's been at GT for 2 years and still couldn't supplant Ball from the starting job? Yikes.
Penn State (8-4, lost to ND, Bowl Game: Outback Bowl vs. Tennessee): JoePa turns 80 today. Happy Still Undead Day, Joe! Meanwhile, PSU's QB, Anthony Morelli is in the news because he has been angry ever since he came to believe that his high school coach fostered the idea that Morelli has a difficult time reading defenses and someone explained to him what all that means.
Michigan (11-1, beat ND, Bowl Game: Not the BCS Championship (Rose Bowl)): That screaching sound you hear from the north isn't Gollum. It's Lloyd Carr. They're still feeling pretty slighted by the BCS system, the Coaches Poll, and Jesus. In between bouts of wallowing, they're preparing for the Rose Bowl and announcing that their QB is coming back for one more season of "Man, Michigan QBs just never live up to the hype."
Michigan State (4-8, lost to ND, Bowl Game: Nope): The football season has been over for a long, long time for MSU. Probably ever since the Notre Dame secondary brought Drew Stanton down to earth and put the kibosh on all those "Stanton is a better prospect than Quinn" comments. It helps that Slappy McSlappySlap was fired mid-way thru the season. We're not so sure their new coach's habit of talking smack to the big boys is what the program needs, however. (Just read the front-page stories. Sorry, can't link.)
Purdue (8-5, lost to ND, Bowl Game: Citrus vs. Maryland): Joe Tiller has written a book. And while it's sure to sell tens, HLS is gonna grab a copy anyway because it might, just might, provide some blogging fodder in next year's "Most Boring Team On The Planet" game with ND. If anything, it proves that the publishing world has gotten out of hand and we need to stop letting the proletariat use the color copier.
Stanford (1-11, lost to ND, Bowl Game: LOL): Stanford went and fired Walt Harris and replaced him with Jim Harbaugh after a 1-11 season. Hey everybody, the next round's on Jim! We're not really sure what Stanford is thinking here. Word is that Harris' biggest sin wasn't the losing, but the pissing off of very influential alumni. Some people just think it's rude to wear sunglasses indoors.
UCLA (7-5, lost to ND, Bowl Game: Emerald vs. FSU): Emerald bowl officials are working on how to display the minus sign on their scoreboards as UCLA's defense is just hitting it's stride while an already impotent FSU offense searches for a new offensive coordinator. This may well turn out to be the ugliest bowl game of the year - not in terms of scoring, but panache.
Navy (9-3, lost to ND, Bowl Game: Meineke Car Care vs. Boston College): Navy's head coach, Paul Johnson, has been rumored to be a candidate for pretty much every open coaching position in college football. Who wouldn't like a guy who can get Navy to 9 wins? Anyway, now he's rumored to be on Alabama's wish list. Navy shouldn't worry too much. Nobody wants the Alabama job.
North Carolina (3-6, lost to ND, Bowl Game: uh uh): New coach Butch Davis is currently reworking the assistant coaching staff at UNC in preparation for his run at a couple 8-4 seasons, a bowl invitation or two, and then a juicer job at a program that doesn't play second-fiddle to basketball.
Air Force (4-8, lost to ND, Bowl Game: no): Longtime coach Fisher DeBerry retired after 23 years as the program's head coach. The last 3 years involved some controversy and, even worse in the world of college football, 3 losing seasons. If their current coaching search continues its current path, expect the program to do things a little differently on offense in the future.
Army (3-9, lost to ND, Bowl Game: negative): Army put up a surprisingly good fight against a very good Navy team this year, but, ultimately, Navy beat Army.
Southern Cal (10-2, beat ND, Bowl Game: BCS National Championship Rose Bowl): Someone named UCLA decided to play some defense against USC and suddenly flights from LAX to PHX got canceled faster than my subscriptions to certain mens' magazines after I got married. Meanwhile, Poodle Pete's unconscious recruiting continues to pay dividends, but some of his past commits have started to wake up to the fact that a team only gets to put 11 players on the field at once, contrary to Ty Willingham's theories of football.
LSU (10-2, Playing ND in the Sugar Bowl): Even Less Miles is tired of hearing about how his Tigers are gonna whup up on the Irish. No doubt he's put his thinking cap on - that horrible, duck-billed, never broken-in thinking cap - to figure out how to keep his players from getting too confident.
