West Virginia Keeps Coach, Burns Couch

ESPN Radio is reporting that West Virginia has managed to convince Head Coach of Football, Rich Rodriguez to stay put and not move on to Alabama.

In other news, the state of West Virginia has commissioned the building of "the world's largest couch" to be completed this evening in time for "the best dag'um time had by all in a 'coon's butt." It is believed that a number of effigies that have been fashioned in the last 24 hours could be used as a majority of the required building/burning materials.

Seen Here: One of West Virginia's "Proof of Concept" couches.

Astronomers up and down the East Coast of the United States are concerned that the burning of such a couch could limit the quality of observable space for up to a year.

The White House is preparing to preemptively call the entire state a Federal Disaster Area.

UPDATE: CNNSI is reporting same.