December 29, 2006

Multiple Points of View

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AndTheValleyShook.com has posted our answers to their questions. It will be of little surprise to our regular readers that we had many different perspectives on each topic while still managing to agree on one key thing: Notre Dame is the greatest football team ever.

If you head over there to read our answers, we’d love to hear your perspectives too.

And in case you missed it earlier today (why don’t you just scroll down?), AndTheValleyShook.com answered our own little questions three eight.



“Is This Hell?” “No. It’s Idaho.”

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I love this.  I think the Miami players would be happier in hell.  I also think a few of them will be there shortly.

BOISE, Idaho — Bowl games are meant to be rewards to players for a successful season.

But it has become apparent, even comical, that after a disappointing 6-6 season, Miami’s “reward” was a trip to Boise, Idaho, for a few days of practices and a game on a blue field in freezing temperatures with a little snow mixed in.

Temperatures are expected to be in the 20s for Sunday’s game against Nevada. This is the first time the MPC Computers Bowl won’t be played during the day.



Friday Roundup: Get Your Donations In

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Did you forget to donate to the University so you can apply for a chance to get shafted in the football ticket lottery in 2007?  Well, get them donations in!  Time’s a’wastin’!
The Roundup:

  • The guys at BGS have a bit more info on our recent super-stud safety commit, Harrison Smith.  Man is he fast.  I can’t wait for him to put an end to the possession-safety myth like Shark has done for the possession receiver myth.
  • EDSBS has their “purely for entertainment” picks up for most of the major bowls.  In regard to the Sugar Bowl pick, should you trust a man who looks at the difference in production between a Brady Quinn and a Darius Walker without mention of the O-Line?  I didn’t think so.
  • Mike Frank’s Irish Eyes has a neat little service that is A) Free and B) Neat.  It’ll keep you up to date on a lot of Irish news so you wont have to go around reading sites like ours… wait a minute.  Forget I just said that.
  • There’s been a lot of worry over the last 2 years that Charlie Weis isn’t fully aware of “how things work” in college football.  Apparently the Irish’s arrival in New Orleans has done nothing to dispel those concerns. PS – In Chicago, a publication called “The Advocate” means something completely different.

Still pretty quiet on the internets.  I think people are still recovering from traumatic encounters with relatives over the holidays.  If you see something worth noting, please point it out to us.  We’ll give you credit, and really what sort of life are you living if you’ve never received credit from us?



Info! Info! Infoooooooo!

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Johnny 5 is satiated. For now.

We here at HLS wanted to know a little more about LSU, their football team, and the psyche of their fans, so we went straight to the place we knew we could get the most accurate, infallible information: the internet. And on the internet we found an LSU blog called AndTheValleyShook.com. Coincidentally, AndTheValleyShook.com happens to be a blog dedicated to LSU sports. So we contacted them for a little Q&A, and here’s what we got back:

1) Are the LSU Football team and their fans really as confident as they seem to be heading into the Sugar Bowl? It’s like y’all know something that we don’t. Granted, “on paper,” things may look bleak for the Irish, but “on paper” counts for squat. Y’all planning to put poison in the Irish’s pre-game gumbo or something?

Yes, the fans are confident as ever, and it scares the bejeezus out of me. Basically, this game is generally viewed as a huge letdown – Tiger fans were really pumped to get a shot at Michigan or USC in the Rose Bowl, and many had bought plane tickets and reserved hotels, cars, etc. before UCLA went in and knocked off the Trojans. So most Tiger fans spent a whole week basking in the novelty of the Rose Bowl and a matchup with either A) a team we’ve remarkably never played (Michigan) or B) the team so many Tiger fans hate after the “split” national title of 2003 (USC). Either situation seemed to be golden, and then for everything to fall apart and us to wind up in the Sugar Bowl against a lower-ranked opponent, well that just stung. At this point then it becomes almost a no-win situation in the minds of a lot of fans – since we’re already favored by 9, either we lose and are exposed as a fraud, or we win small and are still the “never put it all together” team, or we win big and just get the chorus of “Well, after ND’s losses to Michigan and USC, everyone expected the Tigers to squash ‘em” (and frankly a blowout win would probably be no more satisfying than Peach Bowl win last year, a surprisingly lopsided 40-3 victory over the Miami Hurricanes). Now, Coach Miles has been doing everything he can to dispel any notion that this game will be a cakewalk, but the fans in general don’t seem to be biting. That said, there are plenty of Tiger fans who are relieved that they won’t have to shell out massive amounts of cash to get out to Los Angeles, so there’s like, some offset there. And stuff.

2) I googled Les Miles and took a peak at recent pictures of him. He looks like he lost the stupid baseball cap. Who finally stepped up to the plate and broke in a decent cap for the guy? Oh, and is Les really as stupid as everyone thinks he is?

Hah, the hat has caused plenty of controversy. Doesn’t take much to get Tiger fans riled up, and while I think it’s pretty silly, it is hilarious to see that hat sitting so oddly perched on his head. I’m not sure that whole situation has been cured, though – stay tuned for the Sugar Bowl and we’ll see. Regarding his alleged stupidity, I think he deserves plenty of credit for the 11-2 season last year and 10-2 to this point for 2006 – no other Tiger coach has accomplished back to back 10-win seasons. Sure he’s got boatloads of talent on his roster, but whereas last year we never really put it together in any game, this year we played complete games against most of the cupcakes (Ole Miss aside), and after really disappointing performances at Auburn and Florida, came away with two huge wins at Knoxville and Little Rock in the second half of the season. So there’s some measure of redemption there. That said, the season does still have a sense of “what if” hovering above it; after all, the Gators are in the national championship game and we had every reason to believe we could have beaten them. It was a litany of errors in every phase of the game, and certainly the one just about every Tiger fan wishes we could have back. And there’s always been some tension among the masses about Les’ supposed haggling with offensive coordinator Jimbo Fisher over the playcalling. I don’t think anyone’s particularly sure what the real division of labor is there, but the bottom line is that Les typically gets blamed when things go poorly, and Jimbo gets the credit when they go well. I’m certainly not as negative on Les as a lot of folks out there, but I can certainly understand the criticism – given the talent we had on this roster, even with the brutal schedule (all our tough games on the road) I think most folks feel like we still should have contended for the national championship. A loss to the Irish in the Sugar Bowl will certainly add fuel to the fire, but next year’s schedule will define Les – all our tough games are at home (Va Tech, Florida, Auburn, South Carolina, and Arkansas).

3) The Sugar Bowl is January 3rd. Who will be a household name among Irish fans on January 4th?

I hope it’s Keiland Williams, our freshman tailback who’s shown flashes of greatness in the few times he’s been given a chance to get some rhythm. The running-back-by-committee approach that we’ve taken all year long has been pretty frustrating to watch as it’s clear to most fans that Justin Vincent was never back to his 2003 freshman year Sugar Bowl-MVP form, and Alley Broussard just hadn’t put it all back together. The running game is the one area that never really got unleashed this year and we’re hoping Les will use this game to show us what’s in store for next year. Also, keep an eye on Trindon Holliday. He’s about 4 foot tall and runs the 40 in about three seconds flat, give or take a tenth. Swear.

4) What, besides the beignets, keeps you up at night when thinking about the Notre Dame football team?

Unquestionably it’s Charlie Weis’ camel toe. Oops, sorry.

I think the big play potential of Quinn to Samardzija is it. We just can’t let those two guys come out hot or we’re in for trouble. Has Jeff ever dropped a ball? Just curious. In our last outing our defense got shredded by one of the best running games in the country, and now we’re up against the best passing attack we’ve faced this year. Our secondary is solid at every spot, but we’ll certainly need to bring the house and get Quinn rattled to help the DBs out. Big plays from your offense early on will start to get the purple and gold masses frustrated pretty quickly and it could well go downhill from there. I’m sure the Irish will be focused on taking the fans out of the game quickly, and we’ve shown in the past that we’re susceptible to the occasional big play.

5) What’s the single greatest tradition associated with LSU Football? Hot cheerleading sqaud? Memorable fight song? Alcoholic tendancies?

I think hot cheerleaders are merely a staple of the SEC in general. The single greatest tradition, glorified in this year’s media guide (which I unfortunately can’t find a link to since the official site has put up the Sugar Bowl guide now), is that of Saturday night games at Death Valley. Come on, you give a bunch of Cajuns 8-10 hours to sit around and eat meat and get hammered, and THEN let them into a stadium with 92,000 cohorts who in their collective are loud enough to register on a seismograph? How could that not be a great tradition? Our fight song is fun, but I absolutely, unconditionally, 100% completely concede that battle to the Irish. Keep this on the down low, but your fight song is actually on my iPod playlist.

6) How long did it take you to get over Nick Saban leaving LSU for the freaking Dolphins. Do you sometimes think he’ll come to his senses?

His announcement on Christmas Day 2004 stung, but I don’t blame him at all for giving it a shot at the NFL level. He brought us our national title, we’ll always worship the guy. Regarding coming to his senses, after the whole Culpepper-over-Brees thing down there one does wonder how much longer he’ll deal with it. But hey, he gets to sit around and cherry pick the best talent from all around the SEC in the draft every year. And then get his name bandied about as the 10,000th candidate for the Alabama job. If you’re asking me if I’d take him back if he wanted to return, then yes. HELL yes.

7) When the Irish Fans arrive in New Orleans, what do you think their impressions of the city will be? Something along the lines of “wow. This has really come along,” or “Wow. This place is still in ruins?”

You know, unless you make it a point to specifically take a tour of the devastation, I don’t think you’ll notice all that much. The Quarter and Garden District and central business district (where pretty much all of you guys will be staying) all emerged from Katrina more or less unscathed (well, relative to the 9th ward, for instance), save the windows blown off the face of the Hyatt adjacent to the Superdome. Unfortunately, I’d have to tell you that if you were to go check out the most heavily hit parts, you won’t be particularly amazed at the progress made (or lack thereof). If you tour it and it compels you to donate money to help down there, then by all means, get thee to a tour bus, stat!!! And take all your friends with you…

8) Finally, your prediction for the game? Don’t just give us the score, give us a little meat to go along with it.

Everyone expects something on the order of LSU 42-17, and I just don’t see that happening. I feel like there are some similarities to Georgia’s battle with West Virginia last year in the Sugar Bowl. Even prior to the SEC Championship a lot of folks were already disappointed that the winner of that game would get “lowly” West Virginia in the Sugar. Then lo and behold, the Moutaineers jumped out to that 28-0 lead and the Bulldogs never recovered (though they gave it a good shot!). I feel like that mentality is way too prevalent this year. No Tiger fans wanted to play Notre Dame. The typical view is that the Irish are the media darling and now the world has finally come to understand that they’re not invincible, and there’s not really a whole lot the LSU Tigers can add to the party. Too much “almost” sort of talk regarding the Rose Bowl that could have been. I’m guessing plenty of players feel roughly the same way. I think we’re going to be a bit shell shocked at first when you guys come out pretty strong, and we’ll get stuck in a battle with you throughout. Quinn and Russell will be going back and forth to prove to the myriad NFL scouts in the audience that each should be the higher pick, and I expect Quinn to be typically razor sharp and efficient. Irish defenders will be dazed when shot after shot at JaMarcus fails to bring him down, and he maybe even lumbers for a first down or two on the ground. After taking some time to recover from the initial shock that it isn’t going to be a blowout, our drunken Tiger hordes in the Superdome will show up loud as all hell in the fourth quarter and propel the good guys to victory. LSU 31, ND 27.

Thanks to AndTheValleyShook.com. They’ve sent us some questions to which we were happy to respond. Look for those items on their site. We’ll also post a link once we notice that they’re up.



December 28, 2006

Her Loyal Sons Experts’ Picks – County Fair

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In high school, our coaches had this little conditioning drill they called “County Fair.” Essentially it was made up of a number of idiotic and embarrassing maneuvers designed to make one puke or die of asthmatic attack – whichever came first. The lucky ones died. We ran it until the coaches were satisfied. Players puking and/or dying:My Head Coach::Tiny Powdered Donuts:Rosie O’Donnell.

Ostensibly, “County Fair” was meant to get the players into shape for the remainder of 2 weeks of 2-a-day practices in the heat of August in South Carolina, but we weren’t stupid. We knew the truth. County Fair was designed to punish all of us who decided to prowl the boardwalks each night looking for Yankee tartlets who were out and about looking for trouble and an opportunity to make their golfing, no-attention-paying fathers angry rather than study up on the proper position of a 3 technique when the opponent was showing broken bone.

Sorta like this, but without all the dancing or the presence of Jerry Orbach.

Anyway, with nary a prayer of winning the 2006/2007 Edition of the Her Loyal Sons Experts’ Picks contest, I’ve decided to either kill off the competition or make them puke with my own version of County Fair. That’s right, folks. Simply picking the winner and the total score isn’t good enough for the bowl games. It’s the post-season, dammit! And we all know that the post-season is different! It’s what counts!

Thus, by 12pm Sunday, December 31st, the Experts of the Experts’s Picks contest must supply me with the following:

  • A list of the 10 Starting QBs in the 5 BCS games, in order of total passing yards, highest to lowest. Each correctly listed QB will earn the Expert 20 points. Each incorrect QB will lose the Expert 20 points.
  • A list of the 5 winning teams in the 5 BCS bowl games and each bowl game’s total score (as we’ve done in the regular season). Each correct winning team earns 20 points. Each incorrect team loses 20 points. Total Score points will work in our usual system.
  • A list of 5 running backs. Any running backs from any BCS team. Hell, pick all 4 of LSU’s running backs and Darius Walker if you want. List these running backs in order of total number of carries (highest to lowest). Each correctly listed RB will earn 20 points. Each incorrect RB will lost 20 points.
  • The name of 1 wide receiver – your pick for most receiving yards in a BCS game. Right = 50 points.
  • The name of 1 defensive player – your pick for most tackles in a BCS game. Right = 50 points.
  • The name of one kicker – your pick for most total points by a kicker in a BCS game. (This could include a kicker scoring a TD on a fake kick) Right = 50 points.
  • The name of one kick returner – your pick for most total return yards in a BCS game. Right = 50 points.

That should either kill someone, make them puke, or cause a few of my competitors to lose interest and allow me to move up in the rankings because they neglect to send me their picks. Muwhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!



He Left His Heart in San Fran Cheesy

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The boys at EDSBS have a caption contest going for this pic, so here’s our entry: “Got him.  Need him.  Got him…”


December 27, 2006

Sometimes I Thank God For Unanswered Prayers

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Lorenzo Booker

I guess some people are just pleased with mediocrity.

YEAR RUSHING YARDS TDs
2003 334 3
2004 887 4
2005 552 6
2006 525 2


You Have Died of Dysentery

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Somehow it just seems appropriate that folks from Missouri are suffering from illness as they work their way towards Oregon… State. Er, ok.  I’m stretching it here.  Still, I freaking always died of dysentery somewhere around Missouri when playing Oregon Trail.  I’ll bet Missouri’s coach tried to ford the river.  Never ford the river.  Pay the exorbitant prices for the ferry and don’t die via uncontrollable bowel discharge. Live!  Live so that you might one day die of cardiac arrest from all that freaking bear meat.



December 26, 2006

NYP’s Steve Serby Has One Dream, Bad Hair

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We all have dreams. When I was 16, I figured that while I was in my 20s I was gonna date an entire slew of European fashion models who liked hamburgers, college football, skimpy clothing, and reading. Of course, my dreams got a little fantastical when I expected all of these models to also enjoy Star Wars and not ever get bitchy. I later discovered that Star Wars doesn’t really translate well into “Model.” And I don’t even need to explain the “bitchy” part if you’ve ever met Tyra Banks, who, by the way, is not European, despite that fake accent she always brings on America’s Next Top Model. So I gave up on the dream. Today my dream is a little more rational. It involves world peace and eternal happiness, and it’s all gonna be brought about by the words I write on this blog!
Seems NY Giants fans and NY Post writers are now enjoying their own such dreams. This sort of writing really doesn’t upset me. Charlie just isn’t leaving. In fact, I’ll bet that I have a better chance of finally dating all those well-read European models than the Giants do of luring Charlie away from ND (either scenario, by the way, would totally piss off my wife). And besides, what recruit doesn’t want to play for a coach that makes the NFL drool? This is just great publicity for ND and Charlie.

Still, you can really see the fantastical gears working away in the mind of someone like Steve Derbie, who, by the way, has the same barder as Rick Flair:

Pioli and Weis would be the dynamic young team that the Giants desperately need after 16 years and counting without a championship.

Pioli would find the Giants the same kind of smart, tough, high character, team-first players that Mangini and Tannenbaum have started to find for the Jets.

Weis would be the closest thing to a young Bill Parcells, a tough, smart Jersey Guy disciplinarian and motivator who would have the best chance of anyone on the planet of saving Eli Manning, because Weis is a brilliant offensive mind with the interpersonal skills necessary to nurture and steady a developing young quarterback.

Someone should really ask Brady Quinn about Weis’ “nurturing” techniques. I’m not sure Notpayton “China Doll” Manning could handle it.

You’ve never seen Ric Flair and Steve Serby in the same room at once. Think about it…



tOSU Fans Remortgaging Trailer Homes for 5th Time To Attend BCS Championship

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Ticket prices are getting out of hand for Florida and tOSU fans in their quest to attend the BCS Champiohship game this year.  Apparently someone forgot to tell the market that tOSU is probably gonna blow out Florida.  Tickets are going for up to 5,000 buckaroos.  Clearly, the market isn’t rational, because if it were, the market would not sustain such prices.  Consider, if you will, the opportunity costs associated with $5000 ticket prices for both tOSU and Florida fans:

  • Flordia: 1 BCS Championship Game Ticket = Approx. 250 pairs of Denim Shorts with Cell Phone pocket! And that’s just at a highfalutin place like Penny’s! Imagine if we took a look at stores that most Florida fans shop.
  • tOSU: 1 BCS Championship Game Ticket = About 250 Lap Dances at your typical gentleman’s club.  Well, as long as you don’t tip.

So clearly this is not a rational or well informed market, and these silly fans are simply acting off of their emotions.



Gary Barnett Can’t Find a Job. There is a God.

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Former Colorado football coach Gary Barnett is crying in his beer after a college football hiring season has essentially passed, and, despite Barnett shouting from on high that he was available and interested, he didn’t receive one single phone call from a hiring program.  Some might say that’s sort of sad for the old guy.  We say it’s awesome.  Barnett looking for a second chance is the college football version of Jeffrey Dahmer pleading for someone to just try a little harder to understand his plight.
Consider this: Even Alabama hasn’t called Barnett.  And nobody wants to work at Alabama.



December 22, 2006

A Christmas (Four) Star

Bad Kermit

Coach Weis slid down your chimney and left you a gift a little early this year, nabbing four-star safety Harrison Smith out of Knoxville Catholic. Welcome aboard, Harrison!

Harrison Smith

Also, please tell me they’re inflating SAT scores, because the 1850 he scored gives me grade envy.



Friday Roundup: Twas the Night Before the Night Before the Night Before Christmas

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Twas the Night Before the Night Before the Night Before Christmas when all thru the web…

Not much was happening.

But that’s ok. We’ve scrounged up a light Amuse Bouche for you and yours before you call it a week and begin to gorge yourself on fruit cake, Christmas Roast Beast, sugar cookies, Reese’s Peanut Butter Christmas Trees, hot buttered rum, egg nog, bon bons, antipasta, 7 fish, quiche, meat pie, pumpkin pie, grasshopper pie, mud pie, chicken pot pie, beer, wine, scotch, hot chocolate, hot chocolate with schnapps, ice cream, cream puffs, baklava, candy canes, meringues, doughnuts, yeast rolls, chocolate tortes, mashed potatoes, stuffing, roasted garlic, humus, crostinis, and venison.

The Roundup:

  • BYU showed once again why I’m sorta glad we didn’t run into them this season. Those boys can flat out play with the fury of men who are forced into a missionary position during their formative years and then come back to the football field looking to take it out on boys several years their junior. Oregon’s players were whupped, their stupid freaking outfits were whupped (you can’t call what they do a uniform. Anyone that obsessed with constantly changing “their look” is forced to call it an “outfit”. Can you imagine how miserable that team’s boyfriends must be?), and their coach was whupped. And then the Oregon players were thrown under the bus before they could get on the bus.
  • If you’ve got kids or you’re just a kid at heart (awwwww), then check out NORAD’s site used to track Santa and his 8 9 tiny reindeer (we figure Claus has to use Rudy this year, at least over Denver). Why the heck does NORAD have better graphics than we do?
  • BGS has a profile on LSU’s Defensive Coordinator. Check it out to better understand why the Sugar Bowl is essentially a battle of Strength vs. Strength.
  • IRT asks a question that every young D1 football recruit should ponder. When they’re done with that, they should think about this: If you’re presented with the chance for life-long hot spank or 4 years of hot-spank, followed by 2 years of mid-grade hot-spank, and then just reading about any spank during lunch breaks at the A&P, which should you choose, Martez [cough] Wilson [cough]?
  • It’s quiet around these parts of the internets, it being Christmas and all, so go check out our awesome collection of Christmas-themes ND pics. Maybe you can use one as a last minute gift to that person in your life that you love enough that you’ll feel bad if you give them nothing, but must not love all that much if all you’re gonna give them is a freaking picture off the internet. What, Kohl’s wasn’t open yesterday? Liar. Kohl’s is always open.
  • Finally, it’s Christmas, and as Studio 60 reminded me last week, New Orleans still isn’t fully recovered from Katrina, so if you’ve got it within yourself, do something to help out.  And then listen to New Orleans play.


Arrested Development?

The Biscuit

Tennessee.  T-tennessee.  Tennessee.  T-tennessee-Lord I really been real stressed.  Down and out, losin’ ground…

Yep, those are lyrics from Arrested Development’s classic 90’s rap hit “Tennessee”.   I remember back when legendary ND band Sexual Chocolate used to bust out A.D. tunes at Acoustic Cafe on Thursday nights.   That ruled.

Anyway, why the brief jump into 90’s rap culture?  ND recruiting in TN is picking up, and looking like it’s a hot bed for future Irish talent, much like New Jersey has been.  Cutliffe may have gone back to UT, but Weis’ recruiting in the area hasn’t suffered at all.  In fact, it’s just getting going.

First, ND picked up all-around stud athlete and best-name-ever-for-a-player Golden Tate.  Golden is Tennessee’s Mr. Football 2006.  That was an AWESOME recruit for this year’s class.

The two guys behind Tate in the Mr. Football voting are Chris Donald and Harrison Smith, and both are heavily considering the Irish, along with their local state school. 

According to the web site GoVols (and NDNation), it looks like Harrison Smith will choose to be Irish today at 3PM EST.  Of course, ‘leaning’ doesn’t always mean a commitment, but we’re hoping it proves true today.

Smith is a smart, aggressive and instinctual player that would really help shore up ND’s backfield, and would likely get playing time early.

Chris Donald, the #1 rated LB according to Rivals.com is the other big TN prospect that ND is attempting to bring into this future-top-5 class.  Donald’s film on Rivals can be described as ’sick’, as the guy is just a natural born athlete.  I mean, the kid can MOVE. 

Landing either one of these players along with Golden Tate would be a great coup for C-dub over the in-state power.  Landing both would just be like…a game of horseshoes!  For some strange reason it had to be, he guided me, to ND…

Even locals from the band “Arrested Development” would prefer that Donald and Harrison make ND their future team.



December 21, 2006

Everson Griffen’s Mom Confused

The Biscuit

Elite prospect Everson Griffen recentely committed to USC (see note in Q’s summary below). However, the big news in this story was not the commitment, but Everson’s mom’s description of the USC campus.

“People were telling us it’s a ghetto area, but it’s not at all like a ghetto. They were telling me as soon as you walk out the gate, it’s ghetto. It’s a lovely campus and I loved it.”

Okay, ummm, Mrs. Griffen? I’m sure you’re a lovely lady and I wish your son the best of luck with all his football playing up until he plays ND (at which point I wish him the worst luck EVER), but, uh, yeah. It’s a FREAKING GHETTO.

I live in LA. I have been to that campus several times. The campus itself, I would say is so-so at best. It’s a bit old and dilapidated. It’s crowded and things are falling apart, but it’s not horrid. The neighborhood it sits in? Ghet-to!

It actually amazes me that anyone not from LA would ever want to go to USC, when UCLA sits just up the street with immaculately manicured lawns, rolling quads and brand new buildings.

So Mrs. Griffen, we are happy you’re happy. And we’ll be glad to watch your son lose to ND regularly in the future. But, we’re sorry to say, he will be living in the ghetto. Warn him for us to watch out for those crackheads. They get crazy on Friday nights and you never know what they gonna do.

The pretty campus community, in pictures:

Julie is a Sophomore Arts History major. “I love our campus. Sleeping under the stars…well, my tarp, is great.”

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