It was the tiny green men.

In an exclusive investigation by Her Loyal Sons, we’ve discovered that the cause of USC Uber Star Desmond Reed’s injury, sustained in the 2005 Notre Dame/Southern Cal game, was not, in fact, caused by the length off the grass in Notre Dame Stadium, but by little green men who had been miniaturized by Charlie Weis’ special robot minitiaurizer beam gun attachment.

The nefarious Charlie Weis miniaturized dozens of former Notre Dame leprechauns who were equipped with special mini-harpoon guns. These mini-harpoon guns were intended to be used to slow down former Souther Cal star football palyer and employee, Reggie Bush.

But Charlie Weis’ plan had gone bad. In miniaturizing dozens of former leprechauns and their tiny little harpoon guns to sizes that would be undetectable by the human eye, he could not create enough field-coverage to effectively guarantee that Reggie Bush would be affected. So Charlie and his minions changed their plan to maim any superstar that might cross a particular patch of grass on the field that day. That superstar? Desmond Reed!

One of the evil Notre Dame Leprechauns seen here in “giant form.” This one was assigned to beating his victim’s hair follicles into submission.

Poor Desmond never stood a chance, and now Southern Cal, with their proud tradition of rallying around a cause that will tug at the heart of any real Trojan, lives by these words, “Every Man Falls, But Not Every Man Can Blame The Fall On Tall Grass.”

In memory of Desmond Reed, the Trojans will be wearing a patch of 3 inch long astro-turf on their jerseys, and game day captain Desmond Reed, who’s story of overcoming the toughest of obstacles, all obstacles other than long grass and tiny green men, will be remembered forever by Southern Cal graduates, will lead the Trojans onto the field of play on the Saturday with the battle cry, “Remember my ACL!”

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