SOUTH BEND Friday evening, in front of thousands of spectators, Notre Dame golden boy Paul Hornung made a true statement about his love of the game. The “Where’s My Pants?” game, that is. Hornung celebrated the 50th anniversary of his Heisman award by giving a heartfelt speech at the Notre Dame-UCLA pep rally. His pants celebrated by dropping down to his ankles.

All records at the Where’s My Pants Hall of Fame were previously dominated by game pioneers Bad Kermit, ChisND and Peej. With one desperate, last-minute maneuver, Hornung now owns them all, including “Exposing yourself in front of the most policemen,” “Most racist underwear,” and “Biggest racing stripe.”

Although the league will not officially condone the abuse of celebrity status for Hall of Fame gain, they will not condemn Hornung ’s actions either. During a press conference earlier today, WMPL chairman J.P. Montufar said that “True, not everybody gets the opportunity to play in front of thousands. But his pants had to drop from way above his bellybutton! That’s some major points in distance alone. I think that Geriatric Where’s My Pants is this millennium’s Shuffleboard.”

You can watch a crappy video of the incident at the following link:
http://www.nbcsports.com/cfb_notredame/index.html?qs=;tab=videos , but you will probably try to buy a gun and then look for the guy responsible for inventing the podium.

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