Guilty!
domer.mq
The charge: Being an embarassingly quiet home fan-base.
The verdict: Guilty!
The Notre Dame Fan Base If They Were Super Evil Dudes. Super Evil Mute Dudes.
The evidence used to convict? EDSBS’s first-hand account of how unbelievably lame the Notre Dame fanbase can be.
…the downside is a quiet stadium that, at times, was so quiet we actually heard the coaches yelling on the sidelines. (We were sitting in the south endzone, for some perspective on this.)
…
Ushers at Notre Dame, you may suck our ass. The red-stater in us, the free-wheeling libertarian who wants you off our land right now, stranger, the bottle-wielding redneck in us wanted to pummel these lost Shriners with the nearest heavy object on sight. Ushers at most other venues we’ve been to serve less as traffic controllers and more as referees, since grown adults may read the ticket, follow signs, and find their seat without difficulty. Their primary function: kicking the confused, very drunk and confused, and the outright fraudulently misplaced out of the incorrect seat, as well as the occasional call to security when someone decides to take out the frustration of the fourth INT of the day by calling an ISO Smash to a rival fan’s face.
These ushers serve as nannies, not only refusing to allow any and all funness to occur outside the student section, but actively quieting fans down and quashing standing. You want to know who Hitler’s willing accomplices were? These people. One minute they’re telling you to sit down, and the next minute they appear outside of your house asking where your neighbors are. Screw these people in the ear; in our perfect stadium, they’re thrown screaming off the upper deck by the angry masses.
Do we need any more damning evidence than this to know with certainty that a massive piece of the Notre Dame Fan pie is lamer than Barbaro’s leg?
And before someone mentions in the comments section that I’m a dummy to make such sweeping statements, let me just take care of this: NO. THIS RANT DOESN’T APPLY TO ALL ND FANS. Afterall, Bob Davie has reminded us many times in the past that Notre Dame has the best fans in the world.
Now, let the rant continue…
How does this happen? How does ND become the lamest home-field in the history of home-fields? How does the greatest football tradition (FOOTBALL!) get compared to a FREAKING TENNIS TOURNAMENT KNOWN FOR BEING THE SUBDUED TENNIS TOURNAMENT AMONG MANY VERY QUIET TOURNAMENTS? It’s a product of the system and the arrogance that makes the Notre Dame program go.
Arrogance. Here’s what a typical conversation between 2 Notre Dame alums might sound like…
[The Lights Dim, Curtain is Closed. The room is filled with the sounds of Notre Dame tailgating. Champagne corks are popped. You can hear a servant offering some people some caviar. Then the curtain is drawn open, the light come on slowly, and we see Thomas and Buffy enjoying their tailgate party in the Joyce South lot.]
Thomas: “Buffy, my dear. Have you any idea which team Notre Dame will be playing today?”
Buffy: “Mmmmm. I believe it will be the gentlemen from The University of California, Los Angeles.”
Thomas: “Ah. Excellent. T’will give me the opportunity to reflect on the qualities of this excellent cabernet and save my voice for more important teams like the University of Southern California.”
Buffy: “Yes! I believe it will! Oh how I do hope it doesn’t get too loud in there, lest I have to visit Dr. Robinson later in the week for more of those Botox injections! Oh how loud noises stress me so! Hmmm. I wonder where those seat cushions might be. Thomas, do you believe this will be a close game?”
Thomas: “Tisk, tisk, my Dear. For we are the Fighting Irish! And having won as often as we have, these gents from this other team will surely just lay down and allow our boys to do as they will. No! I don’t think it will be close at all! Probably be over before half-time.”
Buffy: “Oh good! Does that mean we can jet away before the sun sets? Oh excellent! How I do love these Irish! They make watching football so much easier!”
Thomas: “Yes, Buffy, they do indeed! Now, let’s finish off this bottle and head into the stadium. Would be impolite not to be in our seats and seated, you know. Afterall, if you stand, you might cause others to stand! And who would want that? Come, come! Let us go find our seats and clap politely for both teams, never showing any favoritism to either side! For afterall, I’m sure these gents from Los Angeles have practiced quite hard! No sense in not giving them a pat on the back even though our boys are sure to roll!”
[The curtain is closed. In the background, you can hear the sounds of the announcer on the loud-speaker of Notre Dame Stadium announching, "Here come the Fighting Irish!", and then a warm wash of golf clapping comes over the entire place. And then several sounds of crotchety old men and women yelling things like "Sit down!" and "Quiet! I'm trying to watch the game!"]
[Fade to black.]
That entire conversation epitomizes what MUST be going thru the heads of about half of the fans at Notre Dame stadium, because they sure as hell seem to want to make life miserable for the rest of us and quiet for the opposing team. At least, for those of us lucky enough to somehow beat a system designed to let mute, lame-legged “fans” into the stadium and keep loud rabble-rousers like you and me out.
The Myth of “Enjoying the Game.”
I was once told to sit down and shut up because I wasn’t the only one trying to “enjoy the game.” Enjoy the game? Who the hell is trying to enjoy the game while attending a game at Notre Dame Stadium. Have you SEEN this place? Have you seen where they make you sit? Have you seen how they give you the personal space of a bee in a hive? You do not and should not come to a game at Notre Dame stadium to “enjoy the game.” It’s not a spectator activity. It’s a participatory event! You aren’t supposed to enjoy the game. You’re supposed to attend a game to help Notre Dame exert it’s will upon the opponent, and you’re supposed to do that with the help of 80,000+ of your fellow fans. You’re supposed to be there to help make life difficult for the opponent and easy for the Irish. I’m not talking about making life miserable as certain Michigan fans might. I’m not talking about disrespecting opponents’ fans or throwing beer cans at visitors. I’m talking about making noise and expending energy. Wanna enjoy the game? Stay home, sit on your couch, and enjoy the whole thing in HD Glory.
Wake up the echoes? Hell, I’d just like if someone would wake up Grandpa in front of me and request that next time he sit it out at home and let someone who’s going to participate come in and help make Notre Dame Stadium what it should be.
Chicken or the Egg? This one’s easy.
People have been complaining a lot about how the team comes out onto the field to start the game “flat.” What do they want? What’s more deflating to anyone than running out onto a field in front of thousands of your own fans and actually being able to hear yourself think? Hell, the crowd is, in general, so flat for any game that doesn’t involve USC that it makes Debra Messing look like Anna Nicole Smith.
Most home crowds create noise in stereo. The Gators of Florida are treated to something akin to THX turned up to 11. But not Notre Dame. You might hurt somebody’s ears! No! Instead we treat our team to something I’d call “mono,” except that would be an insult to Thomas Edison’s phonograph - a device with which I’m pretty sure a large number of ND fans are well acquainted. The entire stadium that does not include any part not called “the student section” is awesome. So that’s nice.
More lively than half of the Notre Dame crowd.
I plead with you, Notre Dame Nation, if you’re going to bother to go to a game and make a big hullabaloo about how grand the Notre Dame experience is, then stand up and cheer your Irish on! This isn’t 1966. The other teams (yes, even Navy) have players who actually know how to play a game of football (Unless they’re coached by Ty Willingham), and Notre Dame’s roster doesn’t have a 3-deep of inevitable All Americans (again, we can blame this on Ty). They need to know you care, so even if you don’t, act like it!
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8 Comments
The 3rd bad guy from Krypton is a girl, not a dude.
And quit yelling. Your capital letter typing is bothering me. I’m trying to enjoy the column you wrote.
Ah. You’re right. She is a girl. Takes one to know one.
Oh Snap!
if you weren’t married, i’d have said that you’d never seen a girl, which is why you made the mistake. and if your wife weren’t so nice and obviously of the pretty-girl-type i would’ve said she looks like a man and that’s why you didnt know it’s a girl.
in the end, i can’t say anything, but now you know what my comeback would’ve been. and it would’ve been a SNAP response with vigor.
take that.
sad
I agree. I’ve never been to a live ND game(making my first one on Nov 11), and I have to think that I make more noise yelling at my TV in texas than the entire stadium does AT a game. I fear this is what we get for allowing alumni and boosters first cracks at tickets. Hell, set aside 10,000 for them, another 10 for students, and leave the rest of the 60 open until 2 weeks before kickoff. Thatll get some of your drunk, crazy, bandwagoning, crazy fans to come and stir S** up!
Q, awesome article. I can’t believe someone actually told you to shut up. That is so Miles Davis. Honestly, they should only let dudes under 50 into ND Stadium (feminists and octogenarians can contact me at badkermit@gmail.com). That would solve most of our problems, and we wouldn’t have to wear pants.
The quiet stadium problem is a tough one. The stadium is quiet for a lot of reasons. The shallow bowl design and natural grass surface aren’t conducive to a lot of noise. But the big problem is the crowd. The students are great. The remaining tickets generally go to alumni, many of who are old (or at least middle aged). The younger, crazy alumni don’t get as many tickets. Lottery is stacked against them, they can’t afford the tickets or the trip, etc…
But don’t be so quick to bag on that old guy sitting behind you who wants to see the game. That might be Bob McBride. He’s an older guy, pretty short and stooped. He hasn’t been happy with a Notre Dame coach since Frank Leahy, although Ara was okay. Bob can’t stand up for as long as he used to, and he can’t yell as loud as he’d like to. But Bob deserves to see the game as much as, and probably quite a bit more than, you do. Bob is an ND alumnus who served his country as a soldier in World War II, and nearly starved to death as a POW. After the war he came back to ND and played football for the Irish under Frank Leahy. He’s a big Leahy fan. Bob sent his kids to ND, and many of his grandkids are Domers.
The quiet stadium can be a problem, but the solution isn’t to tell Bob McBride (or the thousands like him) to go cheer for another team or to take his tickets away. Bob has earned his seat, and you should be respectful of him when he asks you to sit down, even if you can’t help but jump to your feet for every 2-yard run by Darius Walker on second-and-eight.
Earl B.,
Thanks for your thoughts. I would never be disrespectful towards someone like Bob McBride. Heck, I’m never disrespectful towards anyone in the stadium. The thing is, I’ll bet my bottom dollar there aren’t 1000s of Bob McBrides in that stadium. And even if there were, there are still tens of thousands of “Buffys” and “Thomases” in there at the same time causing the real problem.
The upside of the fact that the rabble-rousing, crazed, sprung-kneed blue and gold maniacs can’t get tickets for a home game is that they arrive from all over the planet for road fixtures, where they take over the stadium and give the boys a taste of what it would be (should be) like at ND Stadium.
Pick a venue like Stanford, where the Cardinal fans are so ambivalent about their team that I couldn’t even GIVE away two tickets before the game there last year, and it’s like being transported to the Emerald Isle and Notre Dame heaven.
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