Representatives of numerous street gangs from across the United States held a joint press conference today to condemn the University of Miami’s Football Program and it’s actions over the last 2 decades.

“We just wanted to come together as a community,” said Bloods representative Lawrence “Slamz” Benson, “It was important to us all that the country realizes that, despite the comparissons that have been made, especially over the last few days, the members of the University of Miami Football Program are in no way affiliated with any of our respective groups.”

Slamz continued saying that, should any members of the University of Miami Football Program be ejected from the program, they would not be welcomed into any of the gangs being represented at the press conference.

“We just don’t need that kind of trouble. It’s one thing to be violent or stupid, but to be both? Naw. No thanks,” reitterated Slamz.

When asked if he thought Donna Shalala, the president of the University of Miami would seek further punishment against the rioting players over the 1-game suspensions they’ve already received, Slamz smiled, displaying his grillz, and said, “Man, ain’t to tellin’ what the [explitive] be thinkin’. On one hand, she don’t give a [explitive], but on the other, she one hawd [explitive].”

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