On today’s Dan Patrick show on ESPN Radio, Dan Patrick mentioned that if he had just gone on the radio and told his audience that a Division 1 College Football Program was involved in a bench-clearing brawl this past weekend, and nobody in the country had already known about it, it wouldn’t take anyone 3 guesses to realize he was talking about the “University” of Miami.

This got me thinking about what other statements one could make about a football team that could plausibly involve Miami and would require fewer than 3 guesses to figure it out. Mind you, these are all hypotheticals, I think:

• A Division 1 College Football Team has invaded Cuba and is threatening the US with old Soviet-era missiles.
• A Division 1 College Football Team eats babies.
• A Division 1 College Football Team has hijacked a cruise ship.
• A Division 1 College Football Team has invaded France.
• A Division 1 College Football Team is walking around the Sudan with machetes and torches.
• A Division 1 College Football Team just burned down a church.
• A Division 1 College Football Team has just released a music album with K-Fed.
• A Division 1 College Football Team is being profiled on Celebrity Justice.
• A Division 1 College Football Team is being tried at the Hague for war crimes.

See? In any of those statements, the “University” of Miami would be one of your first 2 guesses.

Feel free to add your own statements in the comments section.

Donna E. Shalala: Wants you to take the “University” of Miami seriously. No. Really.

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