ESPN’s Mike & Mike to Sing “Livin’ on a Prayer,” Shower in Beer

SOUTH BEND, Ind.–The Linebacker Lounge, a popular seedy bar located southeast of Notre Dame Stadium, is preparing to host ESPN’s popular metrosexual morning sports talk show, “Mike & Mike in the Morning”. The show, hosted by Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic, rolls into South Bend Friday morning, certainly on the shoulders of some influence from Golic, a former Notre Dame football player.

And the piano sounds like a carnival! And the microphone smells like a beer!

HLS was lucky enough to get an exclusive interview with Mike and Mike, who shared their itinerary for their upcoming Linebacker visit (all times in EST).

• 6:00 a.m. Kick off show after informing remaining drunken graduate students that the bar has, in fact, been closed for two hours.
• 6:01 a.m. Golic and Greenberg use their Backer tickets to purchase Long Island Iced Teas.
• 6:02 a.m. Greenberg complains about the cleanliness of his glass.
• 6:03 a.m. First time Golic tells Greenberg to “Man up!”
• 6:04 a.m.–6:37 a.m. On-air fellation of Derek Jeter.
• 6:38 a.m. First mention of Notre Dame, to raucus cheers by the crowd.
• 6:40 a.m. Greenberg picks Stanford to upset Notre Dame.
• 6:41 a.m. Greenberg applies ice pack to swollen eye.
• 6:42 a.m. Golic picks Notre Dame over Stanford, 77-0.
• 6:45 a.m. Golic tells a Reggie White story.
• 6:48 a.m. Drunken undergrad throws arms around Golic and Greenberg; the three belt out Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life.”
• 6:56 a.m. Greenberg falls into “Backer Sludge” and weeps uncontrollably.
  
• 6:57 a.m. Second time Golic tells Greenberg to “Man up!”
• 7:00 a.m. 15 ounces of 20-ounce beer “accidentally” poured over ESPN equipment, causing twenty minute blackout.
• 7:20 a.m.–7:58 a.m. Back on the air, topic moves to whether T.O. is a jerk, or just misunderstood.
• 7:59 a.m. T.O. calls in, tells Mike & Mike that he’s just a jerk.
• 8:00 a.m. Golic and Greenberg sing “Livin’ on a Prayer.”
• 8:05 a.m. Charlie Weis stops by the show, destroys Golic in hotdog-eating contest; Greenberg refuses to participate.
• 8:06 a.m. First time Weis tells Greenberg to “Man up!”
• 8:07 a.m. Greenberg plugs upcoming book, Why I Have Such a Hard Time Satisfying My Wife.
• 8:10 a.m. An undergrad vomits on the Backer bar.
• 8:23 a.m. Backer staff notices the vomit on the bar.
• 8:25 a.m.–8:44 a.m. Mark “Stink” Schlereth appears on show and spews inane diarrhea from his mouth re: Derek Jeter and T.O.
• 8:45 a.m. Backer staff cleans vomit off bar.
• 8:52 a.m. Golic and Greenberg tell Jonelle Smith to “Just shut up,” and are showered in celebratory beer.
• 8:55 a.m. Mike and Mike sing “Piano Man.”
• 9:02 a.m. Golic tells another Reggie White story (”Jesus is coming!”).
• 9:10 a.m. Golic and Greenberg take a look at the week ahead, which will be devoted to 60% Jeter man love, 35% T.O. stories, and 5% commercials.
• 9:16 a.m. Sean Salisbury pokes his head in, reminds everyone that he is now living in Chicago, and asks a SMC chick if she thinks he’s hot.
• 9:19 a.m. Chris Berman arrives, tells Salisbury’s SMC chick, “You’re with me, Leather,” and leaves with her.
• 9:21 a.m. The Stanford band arrives, spoofs “Friends in Low Places” with the lyrics, “Well, a priest touched me in looooow places, I tried to scream, but he covered my face,” and is subsequently banned for life from the Backer.
• 9:30 a.m. Greenberg puts on leprechaun costume.
• 9:31 a.m. “Man up, Greenie!” said for the final time.
• 9:32 a.m. The mutant bikers from Weird Science enter the Backer. Greenberg stands them down, finally earning the manly respect of Golic.
  
• 9:42 a.m. ESPN News Update: Derek Jeter is still alive. Isn’t he dreamy?
• 9:48 a.m. Mike and Mike make their college football picks. Greenberg incorrectly picks the result of the Florida State-N.C. State game nearly eleven hours after the game’s conclusion.
• 9:55 a.m. Mike, Mike, Mark, Sean, and the rest of the crew gather around and sing “Closing Time.”
• 10:00 a.m. The ESPN crew clears out just in time for the South Bend townies to get their liquid breakfast.