SOUTH BEND, Ind.–Notre Dame officials announced Thursday that they will be selling season tickets to alumni, donors, and others affiliated with the University for the first time in thirty years. Five thousand such tickets will be sold at a cost of approximately $413, plus an annual “fee” of anywhere from $1,250 to $2,000, depending on the location of the ticket.

The question Irish alumni are asking themselves is, “Who will have first dibs on the tickets?”

It is widely documented that Notre Dame officials are well known for their successful distribution schemes. Notre Dame representatives were responsible for distribution at several historical events:

Fear not, nerds, there are plenty of Xbox 360s for all of you!

Hey, do we have any ammo left?

You! Boy! How long can you tread water?

Mrs. Donner? Can you pass me another piece of buffalo?

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